2 SAMUEL 13-14 PURSUE GODS HEART IN DEALING WITH YOUR FAMILY2018 Teaching by Jerry B Simmons

Teaching Transcript: 2 Samuel 13-14 Pursue Gods Heart In Dealing With Your Family

We're going to be in 2 Samuel chapter 13 as we continue to work our way through the life of David and now we're in the latter years of his life where he's on the throne and we've learned a lot about pursuing God's heart from the example of David. But in these latter years, we're going to be in 2 Samuel chapter 13 as we continue to work our way through the life of David.

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and didn't pursue God's heart. And there is a lot of aftermath as his sin with Bathsheba and then with Uriah in killing Uriah. And then that is played out again within his own family. And there's consequences. And the aftermath of that is what we'll be looking at a little bit this evening, as well as the coming weeks. And so we're going to continue on in 2 Samuel chapter 13. We're going to jump into verse 19 and read through 22. Here's what it says.

Verse 21. Verse 21.

But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon because he had forced his sister Tamar.

Last week, actually it was two weeks ago now, we looked at the first part of chapter 13, and it was a really hideous account of this event that happened for Tamar, who was forced by her older brother Amnon. And it was a horrible thing. And again, a part of the aftermath of what we saw happen with David now played out with his children. And now that saga is going to continue. And those choices that Amnon made,

are going to lead to choices that Absalom is going to make. And now the sons of David are going to have some issues. And it boils down to, it relates back to the issues of David himself and really how he's relating to his sons and dealing with these situations. And so I've titled the message this evening, Pursue God's Heart in Dealing with Your Family.

As we have situations in our own families, and as we have situations in our homes, or, you know, in those areas where we have influence and authority, there is a need for us to pursue God's heart. And what we see happening in this occasion is a very apparent lack of the pursuit of God's heart in this arena. And it is interesting to consider that, you know, there are

ways that we kind of compartmentalize life many times where we can be really right on in one area

and way off in another area. And we kind of console ourselves about, you know, the other areas because we're right on in this one area. And yet we allow these other areas of our lives to be unsubmitted to God and not in pursuit of God's heart. And this evening, I want to encourage you to be pursuing God's heart in every aspect of your life, including

in your dealings with family. You know, it's one thing to show grace and compassion and love to someone at church or to some stranger on a plane or some, you know, person you just met. And then to show that same kind of grace and compassion and love to your own family, sometimes that is not, you know, shown the same way that it is to those other areas and those other people that we interact with. And so we want to look at this and understand that

David here really did not pursue the heart of God in dealing with this family, but we need to learn, as Paul says in 1 Corinthians, these are written for our example to help us learn from these situations that we would pursue God's heart in dealing with the family. Pastor Warren Wiersbe says this about this season of David's life. He says, David now begins to reap the harvest of sowing to the flesh the painful consequences of forgiven sins.

Of all the trials of life, the most difficult to bear are those that come from our own family because of our failures. And there is the reality that we face in this, that there are things that happen, there are issues that unfold and that go for a long time that are the result of our own failures.

failures to pursue God's heart. And it comes, you know, and causes waves within the family. And it can be one of the most difficult things that we face. One of the most difficult troubles and painful hurts that we face is seeing that effect of our failures upon other people. And it's really important to consider these things because in the family,

Sometimes, you know, the things about walking with God, the things about faithfulness to God are the most difficult to be carried out within the home. And so we need to understand what's at stake and we need to understand the call and to recognize that God wants us to pursue his heart in every aspect of our life, even though this particular aspect and the issues that we face as a family and within our families can be most difficult.

Ellen Redpath talking about this season in David's life says, David, with the awful sense of guilt in his own soul, watched his home and family going to pieces and seemed powerless to do anything about it. There was just this crumbling as one brother has forced himself upon a sister. Now, as we go forward in chapter 13, we're going to see Absalom put Amnon to death. And so there's going to be murder. And then there's going to be betrayal and treason. And there's going to be all of this. And

And this description of David just seemingly powerless to do anything about it as everything is crumbling down. And he's not the warrior that we once saw. He's not writing in and fixing things and conquering things. It seems that there is a noticeable lack of David in these scenes. And

As Alan Redpath says, it seems that he's powerless to do anything about it. But I think that word seemed is important. Seemed powerless, right?

And we need to remember that it's not too late to pursue God's heart when we're in similar circumstances and we see things crumbling around us, that it's not too late and it doesn't make things better for us to, you know, just let things unfold. But there's many occasions that we'll see here where David should have changed course and began at that moment to pursue God's heart. But again, there is just this,

unwillingness or this lack of strength in David to do so. And so we're going to learn from David some examples of what not to do and how to pursue God's heart in dealing with our own families in those areas where we have authority. And so that leads me to point number one for this evening. And here in verses 19 through 22, point number one is address sin within your realm of authority.

And as we talk about the family, you know, within your family, within your realm of authority, there of course is much family that isn't really, I mean, you're connected, you're related, you have influence, but there's also not the same level of authority like a parent has, you know, over the home with their children. And here, David is one who has great authority.

Not only is he, you know, the father of these children, but he also is the king. And so he has authority in this area, in this arena, in all these events. And yet he's not using that authority in the way that God would ask him to or the way that God would have him to.

And so in verse 19, we see Tamar put ashes on her head. She tore her robe of many colors that was on her, laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly. So she is mourning. She is, you know, just really destroyed over what has happened. And it tells us in verse 21, but when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. And so here's the first thing that we need to consider that Tamar,

David here is very angry when he hears about this crime that has been committed. But then notice that there's a period at the end of verse 21. He was very angry, period. And then that's it. He was angry, but there was nothing that followed that. There was no action that took place. There was no consequences that he would bring forth as the authority in that situation. As the father and as the king, he was angry.

But then that was it. He didn't deal with the sin. He didn't address the crime that had been committed. He would not bring discipline. He would not bring correction. He would not deal with this issue. He was just angry about it, but did not do anything about it at all. As we consider this idea of pursuing God's heart, again, it's putting what pleases God first.

It's putting His will above our own will. It's seeking after and seeking to honor the Lord and to represent the Lord. It's seeking to obey God. And when it comes to sin, we know that God is angered by sin. And sometimes, perhaps from our perspective, it could seem like God isn't doing very much about, you know, the sin that is going on. But

We know from the scriptures that that is not the case, that God is at work and he is dealing with sin and every sin will be accounted for and paid for, that sin will be dealt with as far as God's planning and the way that God is working. So it may seem like God is not doing anything about sin, but that's never the case. He is always working.

at work in dealing with sin. But here we have David, who seems like he's not doing anything about the sin because he actually is not doing anything about the sin. He gets angry. He hears about it, but there's no action. He doesn't address the situation. Pastor David Guzik says, David was right to be angry, but he didn't do anything to either protect Tamar or to correct Amnon.

And this is something important to consider about sin and the need to address sin within our realms of authority. There are no victimless sins.

That, you know, it's not that, you know, well, that just hurts that one person, but there is that effect upon people. And so David here in his inaction was not just his failure to correct Amnon and issues related to that. And, you know, there's a weakness there. There's a failure there. It's a, the word just jumped out of my head. It's a...

unfair is not the right word, but it's unfair to Amnon, his son. It's a disservice. There we go. It's a disservice to Amnon that he didn't correct him. Amnon needed the correction. It was important for Amnon to be corrected in order for him to go forward and have a right relationship with God and be reconciled and be restored and have forgiveness. There needed to be correction. And

David was angry, but there was no correction. But then also there's the victim in this. And Tamar, he just basically kind of abandons her. I mean, Absalom, her brother, is taking care of her and protecting her. But David, he doesn't step in. He doesn't address the situation. He doesn't deal with either the one who perpetrated the crime, did the sin, but he also doesn't do anything to help

the victim and the one who is hurt and harmed by the sin. And we need to learn from the example of David to, well, really what not to do, and that is to address sin within our realms of authority. Don't leave it alone. Don't just let it go. Now, again, I'm using that phrase, the realm of authority, because, well, that's

appropriate. David here was the father and he's the king. All of this happens within his realm of authority. Now, there are a lot of things that happen around us that are not in our authority. They're not, you know, something that we have a say over. You can see even as we're working our way through the book of Deuteronomy, as you look at the various laws and things that God established for his people, even the Old Testament law was really limited to God's people.

And it wasn't meant to go, you know, trace, you know, chase down people and force this upon them and make them. No, it was, you know, hey, if you want to live in God's presence and here with God's people, here's the rules. Here's, you know, the way that God has established things. Here's how to live. Here's what God wants. Here's what God desires. And it's for that. And within that realm of authority, here's what applies. But

but God didn't, you know, send them out to chase after and to hunt down, even as we talked about on, I think it was Sunday or the Sunday before, you know, he didn't send out assassination teams to go, you know, execute people who had sinned in certain ways. It was, you know, for those within the community and within the realm of authority. And so,

So we need to understand we have authority in certain places. And as family members, as brothers and sisters in the Lord, we have authority in some places. And we need to, it is part of our responsibility to address sin in those areas where we have authority. If you think about Eli, the priest, right, and his sons,

He was rebuked by the Lord severely because he failed to address sin in his realm of authority, that his sons were behaving wickedly. And God says, Eli, you honor your sons more than me because you

You don't address the sin that is going on. You're not dealing with the sin that is happening and the things that they're doing, even though they're your children. They're in your realm of authority. You need to address it. You need to bring discipline and correction. And so there is that need for us to address sin. Think about the Apostle Paul in writing to the Church of Corinth in 1 Corinthians 5.

He talks about the sin that was going on within the church, that man who was with his mother-in-law and how the church was celebrating it and kind of rejoicing and showing, you know, hey, look how tolerant we are. We allow these kinds of relationships to take place. And Paul says, look, I'm telling you, you are not to keep company with sexually immoral people. You're not to keep company with people who are in that kind of a relationship because

But then he goes on to clarify and he says, but I'm not talking about people of the world. I'm not talking about unbelievers. He says, I'm talking about

People within the church, people who are naming the name of Christ and yet behaving that way. And so within the church, it's one of those areas of what we refer to as church discipline. Again, there is this realm of authority. And within this context, there is the need for us to address sin within this realm. Well, in that context, in 1 Corinthians 5, here's what Paul says at the end of that passage. He says, for what have I to do with judging those who are outside?

Do you not judge those who are inside? But those who are outside, God judges. Therefore, put away from yourselves the evil person. And so here he outlines pretty clearly for us. There are those who are on the outside and there are those who are on the inside. And for the church, you know, that's a pretty clear distinction. And I would even ask you to consider your family. So there are those who are in your realm of authority. And on the inside of your realm of authority is,

You are to address sin. You are to deal with and bring correction and handle those things for the sake of the offender that they could have the opportunity to be forgiven and reconciled, for the sake of the victims that they would be protected and taken care of, that there is that need for this kind of addressing of issues to happen. And so many times it's not

But then also, sometimes people kind of go overboard, and now they're chasing down Great Aunt Sue, and like, let me tell you about all your sins, and I'm going to try to correct. Hey, if God gives you a specific declaration, and you have to go and address sin, then he puts that in your realm of authority. But it doesn't mean that everybody has to listen to everything that we have to say. No, God has placed people in your life. You have influence. You have authority. And because of that, with God,

With that authority, God says, okay, now you need to address these things that go on. You can't just leave them unaddressed. You can't just leave them without, you know, dealing with them, confronting them. You can't just let that go. There needs to be an addressing of the sin within our realms of authority.

Pastor J. Vernon McGee says, I'm convinced that the main problem today in Christian homes is the lack of example and discipline on the parts of the parents. And that's something for you to consider, that there needs to be discipline.

There needs to be an addressing of sin. And there's great love, and there's, you know, all of that. And I'm not the one to give you, you know, all kinds of parenting advice and skills and all of that. You need to find that. You need to find how to love, how to correct, how to discipline, you know, to represent God in all of those things. And that is a need, but you can't let

Let sin go unhindered and unchecked in the name of love or in the name of grace or mercy. That there has to be the balance just like there is the balance in the Lord. He goes on to say, J. Vernon McGee says, Christian parents need to realize that they need to spend time training their children

don't get the impression that you're raising a little angel. And I like that. Don't get the impression. You might feel that way. You might think that way, you know, and, and, but you need to be reminded that we all have a sinful nature and that sinful nature cannot go unchecked. It's not good for us for that to go unchecked. It needs to be addressed. So address sin within your realm of authority. Don't just get angry and do nothing.

But deal with it and bring correction, bring instruction, bring consequences according to what is appropriate for the situation at hand. Now, maybe your realm of authority is very small and it's only you. And I would say that's okay too. There's enough sin to deal with there. So address the sin in your realm of authority, including your own heart, your own mind, and the things that are going on within you.

Going back to the quote from earlier, it says that David seemed powerless to do anything about it as his family was crumbling down. But I would remind you, I would encourage you, you might feel powerless. It might seem useless or hopeless, but it's not too late to pursue God's heart today.

And to begin to address sin, to begin to address those situations and to bring about the beginnings of restoration. It'll take time, but restoration and reparation for these things do need to happen and they need to start somewhere. Well, moving on to verses 23 through 36, here we get point number two, and that is ask God for direction when something is suspicious. As we continue on in this account, so David's angry, right?

And what it says here is Absalom, he's kind of...

holding his peace, but strategically, now Absalom is the direct brother of Tamar, same father, same mother. Amnon and Tamar, same father, different mothers. And so there was this close connection, of course, between Absalom and Tamar. And so he is taking in the role of protector, and not in a good way, but he's being quiet. He's just like pretending like everything's okay as he plots his revenge for Tamar.

for the event that happened. And so we're going to jump into verse 23. Here's what it says. And it came to pass after two full years that Absalom had sheep shearers in Baal Hazor, which is near Ephraim. So Absalom invited all the king's sons. Then Absalom came to the king and said, kindly note, your servant has sheep shearers. Please let the king and his servants go with your servant.

But the king said to Absalom, no, my son, let us not all go now, lest we be a burden to you. Then he urged him, but he would not go, and he blessed him. Then Absalom said, if not, please let my brother Amnon go with us. And the king said to him, why should he go with you? But Absalom urged him. So he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him. Absalom here stayed silent for a while, for two years.

He pretended like everything was okay. And now two years later, it's the perfect time for him to execute this scheme that he's come up with. Now it's the time for him to shear the sheep.

And so this was a time of great celebration for them culturally. So, you know, this was the time where all the sheep would be gathered, they would be sheared, and there would be these feasts and everything that would go along with it. And so Absalom is inviting everybody to his party. He's saying, look, I'm just celebrating, you know, the provision of all the wool and everything that is going to come from this. And so it was a normal thing for them to celebrate and to rejoice at that occasion. And so he invites all of his family.

just, you know, pretty normal. It's normal kind of stuff. Like, hey, you know, family, friends, brothers, sisters, dad, I'm having a party just because things have been good and I've been really prosperous and just, you know, shearing the sheep right now. So come on over and let's, you know, have a feast and help me celebrate all of this. And

There's some resistance from David saying, hey, we don't want to be a burden to you. Hey, if we all show up and you have to feed all of us, that's a big burden. And so we don't want to be a burden and let's not make a big to-do about it. And I just kind of picture David older and grumpy and he's like, I just don't want to leave the house. So he's saying, no, I don't want to go. But Absalom then presses further and says, well, what about Amnon? Can you make sure Amnon goes with us?

And it's interesting, David here asked the question in verse 26, why should he go with you? There was something unique about it, right? Something distinct about it. Something that caused David to say, like, why are you asking for Amnon specifically to go with you? But it's been two years since David

The original event, the original crime that was committed. And so it doesn't immediately come to mind. It's not, you know, apparent. And David recognizes there's something strange about that, but he doesn't latch on to it. He doesn't let that stop. Instead, he goes, okay, yeah. And so basically here, what Absalom is doing is getting the king's blessing for Amnon to go. Now, it might be that Amnon was reluctant to go. And so...

Absalom is manipulating David a little bit to kind of give that push for Amnon because what he's going to do is he's going to try to put Amnon to death here at this party. And so he's using the king's authority that the king himself was reluctant to use in addressing the sin, but he's using the king's authority now to specifically name Amnon and say, Amnon, yeah, you should go with your brother and give that encouragement to him.

that he should go. And so David's son Amnon and all of his other sons and daughters, they go down to have this celebration with Absalom. Verse 28. Now Absalom had commanded his servant saying, watch now, when Amnon's heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, strike Amnon, then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant and

So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king's sons arose, and each one got on his mule and fled. And it came to pass, while they were on the way, that news came to David, saying, Absalom has killed all the king's sons, and not one of them is left. So the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the ground, and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn."

Here is the brothers of Absalom and the family goes down to participate in the celebration. Again, Absalom had set this up as an opportunity for Amnon to be put to death. Now, at this time...

Absalom, Amnon, they're adults. I mean, they're not 12-year-olds. This isn't teenagers. They're a little bit older. They have families. They have a little bit of life experience. And so they are living independently. So they're David's children, but they're spread out a little bit. And so Absalom needed this occasion to bring the family together to have the opportunity to put Amnon to death. Now, Amnon, he knew...

what he had done. He knew, you know, the connection between Tamar and Absalom. And so he would have naturally been reluctant to,

To spend any time, you know, if Absalom had just came up and said, hey, why don't we go for a walk? Amnon, let's just go for a walk and hang out as brothers, you know. Amnon would have known what's up. He's like, no, no, no. It's not safe for me to be around you. I know that I've offended you deeply. So he wouldn't have. But here with this

conspiracy, oh, it's a sheep shearing party. Okay, well, that's normal. And so his defenses are down and he goes with the family and everybody goes and now it gives Absalom this opportunity to put him to death. And so he doesn't do it personally, but he gives his servants commands and say, okay, when I give you the signal, then you put Amnon to death. And so they did. Amnon is killed. Absalom arranges it because of what he did.

to his sister Tamar. Now, there's some commotion that follows, and everybody scatters, and word gets back to David. In verse 30, it says, Absalom has killed all the king's sons, and not one of them is left. And so the king tears his clothes, and he is now mourning on the ground as a

This wasn't a true report, but it was the rumor. It was the exaggeration. And I don't know if you ever have exaggerations or rumors happen within your family. If you're going to experience trauma, right, it's usually going to be within the family. If you're going to experience exaggerations and this kind of thing, it's going to be within the family. And so that's what David experiences here. He hears it. He believes it. He begins to mourn, thinking that all of his children are dead. Verse 32.

Then Jonadab, the son of Shimea, David's brother, answered and said, Let not my lord suppose they have killed all the young men, the king's sons, for only Amnon is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar. Now therefore, let not my lord the king take the thing to his heart, to think that all the king's sons are dead, for only Amnon is dead. Then Absalom fled.

And the young man who was keeping watch lifted his eyes and looked. And there were many people coming from the road on the hillside behind him. And Jonadab said to the king, look, the king's sons are coming as your servant said. So it is. So it was as soon as he had finished speaking that the king's sons indeed came and they lifted up their voice and wept. Also the king and all his servants wept very bitterly. And so here we see David, his son,

children, his servants, the whole household, weeping bitterly as a result of this loss. A terrible tragedy, another terrible tragedy. In some ways, you could understand Amnon got what was coming to him for what he did. There was, you know, some serious punishment that he was deserving. At the same time, it was not done right. It wasn't done in a way that honored the Lord and would please the Lord. It was

It was done in a way that was unjust and in the wrong way. And so there is this mourning. Even if it had been done rightly, it's appropriate. There is this mourning. There is this weeping. But going back to the beginning, going back to the point, ask God for direction when something is suspicious. Here you can see that all of this was arranged. It was plotted. It was manipulated by Absalom and Job.

Some time had passed. It wasn't, you know, in their minds, but there was something that just seemed like, why are you asking for that? And for those kinds of situations, I think it would have been wise for David at this time to do what he had done in years prior. When he was on the run from Saul, when he would hear a news report, hey, Saul's on his way to get you. You know, he had just saved a city. He would go and seek the Lord. He would ask the Lord, Lord, should I leave? Is Saul coming? What do you want to do in this situation? And

If you go back to 1 Samuel chapter 23, I think it is, you know, there's those occasions where it's like five times in a row, like one after the other, David seeks the Lord, he seeks the Lord, he seeks the Lord, he's going here, he's going there. And there is this constant calling upon God and looking to God for direction.

It would have been wise for David in this occasion. A little red flag goes up. Maybe it wasn't all the way red. Maybe it was just like a yellow flag. You know, just like, hey, something's a little bit strange with this request. Something's a little bit strange. It would have been wise for David to go to the Lord, to inquire and find out, Lord, what do you want from me?

in this situation, in this scenario. Again, I want to encourage us to consider this evening to pursue God's heart, and that includes every aspect of our life. That doesn't just mean, you know, have a devotional time where you pursue God's heart, but also in your relationships with your family, and in your dealings with one another, in your dealings within the workplace, and the decisions that you have to make that we need to on all levels, on all aspects of our life.

Put God's will and his desires first. And when something seems unusual or strange, something stands out to us, we really need to give God opportunity first.

to direct us. Now, God doesn't always take that opportunity, and He doesn't always, you know, tell us, you know, hey, there's going to be this event, so don't go that way. You know, sometimes we go that way, even though we've been seeking the Lord, and we still experience certain things. And so God doesn't always redirect us, but we always need to give Him the chance. Something seems suspicious. He's not always going to tell us everything in advance, but something seems suspicious. Something kind of

sparks and gets your attention, ask God for direction. When it comes to family matters, when it comes to these kinds of situations and scenarios, it is important for us to be seeking the Lord. And not that necessarily murder is going to be the result if we don't, but that could be. But there could be damage. There could be hurt. There could be harm. And we need to allow the Lord to direct us in those relationships that we have with the family around us.

Well, moving on to verses 37 through 39, we get point number three, and that is give God's will more weight than your feelings. What does God want? That needs to be the standard. That needs to be the thing that we're looking to. And sometimes that can be very difficult because, well, what we feel, we feel so strongly and it's right in front of our face, but we need to make that conscious decision to

to be looking to God. What is his will? Verse 37, it says, Here in these verses, we see

Absalom flees. Now he goes to Gesher, which is just outside of Israel's territory, just north and east of the nation of Israel. He goes just outside their region. Actually, his family was here from Gesher. That's where his mom was from. And so he goes back up there to where his mom originally came from.

And he is basically hiding out there in Gesher. Now, we just read in Deuteronomy chapter 19, just this past week, God had established and told the children of Israel to establish a

what's called a city of refuge. As we're going through the Bible in three years and in the book of Deuteronomy, we saw this back a few chapters ago. And the city of refuge was places that were spread out throughout the nation of Israel, which God said, these are safe havens for those who have killed somebody.

And if you have killed somebody, you could run here because, well, the cultural standing of the day, the way that they would deal with murder in their culture and in their society is the next of kin for their family was responsible to put to death the one who had killed their family member.

So whoever that was, you know, if it was the next brother or, you know, the uncle or the dad or whoever it was, whoever that fell to, the next of kin, if you're thinking biblically, if you are familiar with the phrase, the kinsman redeemer, the goel, that's also the avenger of blood. Not only can they, you know, purchase back property that has been ransomed and purchase back a slave that has been sold, you know, that kind of thing, but also they had the responsibility to go after God.

someone who killed their family and put them to death. But to protect them from injustice, God set up these cities of refuge so that if you killed somebody, you could run to the city of refuge. And now it was illegal for the avenger of blood to kill you when you were in the city of refuge. And this was to give opportunity for an actual trial to take place.

So that the judges of the city could evaluate your case and say, oh, I see. Yeah, that was an accident. You killed somebody, but it wasn't intentional. You didn't plan it. It wasn't murder. It was manslaughter. It was an accidental death. It was not something you planned out or intended. And so God had established these cities of refuge and they were spread out throughout Israel. So they were in running distance, you know, from wherever you were in Israel. And I point all of that out to say, where did Absalom go?

He went to Gesher. He didn't go to the city of refuge, whichever one was closest to him, because Absalom was guilty. Absalom fled. He couldn't flee to the city of refuge because he would be convicted there of the murder that he has committed. Yes, we can look at this and have great sympathy for Absalom. Look at the crime that was done towards his sister. And we can have great sympathy towards him and say,

It's no wonder that he did what he did. Amnon, you know, got what was coming to him, we might say. But at the same time, this was not the proper way for judgment to be done. And so Absalom here is guilty of murder. He doesn't run to a city of refuge. He runs to Gesher. He runs outside of Israel. And he is there for three years. Now, what's also interesting about this, it tells us in verse 37 that David mourned for his son Amnon.

Every day. Every day David mourned for his son. David had a great love for Absalom. We're going to see later as we

Head into the coming chapters. Absalom is actually going to commit treason. He's going to come back. He's going to wreak havoc in the kingdom. He's going to actually go to battle with David and try to, you know, defeat David and David's men. And I mean, there's going to be some serious things. But in the end, after there's this huge attack and this horrible things that Absalom does to his father, David,

At the end, when Absalom dies, David is just overwhelmed and sorrowful. And, oh, Absalom, Absalom, my son. And he had great affection for Absalom. Now, Amnon was his oldest, and he was going to be the next king. But now Amnon has been killed by Absalom.

Now it seems that Absalom is next in line. There was actually a brother in between, but he's not spoken of. We don't know what happened to him. Absalom, it seems, is the one that everybody's looking to. He's going to be the next king. And there was this affection that David has for him. So he mourns for him every day. He has great emotion, great feeling, great connection, great affection for Absalom. In verse 39, it tells us that King David longed to go to Absalom for he had been comforted concerning Amnon because he was dead.

After time passes, after three years goes on, David has mourned for Amnon and the death that has happened. But three years have passed and the sting of that, the pain of that has reduced. It has subsided a bit. And now what's paining him more is he's missing Absalom. Absalom is so far away, up in Gesher. It says that David longed to go to him.

But there was this conflict that David had because Absalom was there because of this murder that he had committed. There was this conflict within him, this battle within, this hurt within, these emotions that he was experiencing. And yet it wouldn't be right. It wouldn't appear right for him to go and to reconcile. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't appear right for him to go and make amends and bring Absalom back. And so he's just mourning every day.

But he wants to reconcile. He wants to bring him back. He wants to see him again. He wants to, you know, bring Absalom back to the city of Jerusalem, to the nation of Israel. Pastor David Guzik puts it this way. David simply longed to be reconciled to Absalom again without correcting his son for his evil. David's indulgence towards Amnon is repeated towards Absalom, and he will meet a similar end. It takes us back to point number one. We need to address sin again.

within our realm of authority. Here, we're going to see David do the same thing. Just like he didn't address Amnon and his sin when that occurred, David here is, oh, he's feeling all the feels. He's, you know, just super emotional. He's all missing Absalom greatly and terribly, all kinds of emotions, all kinds of affection. And he's even going to now lay aside what's right and not deal with the sin, not correct the sin that Absalom has done.

Without a doubt, this was premeditated murder. Again, it wasn't accident. This was a plot. This was a scheme. Now, David also had committed murder, right? He plotted, he schemed, he killed Uriah. And when God confronted him through the prophet Nathan, God said, your sin is forgiven and you shall not die. David, even though he was king, he deserved to die. That was the judgment that God had declared. But God says, okay, you're not going to die.

You've repented. You've turned. You've responded as I've confronted you. You're not going to die. Now, God is able to do that. God is able to give exceptions. God is able to say, I'm going to give you grace and I'm going to give you mercy and not execute the judgment that you deserve. God's able to do that. But here what we see unfolding is that David is going to do that, but not by God's authority and not because there's repentance. He is...

leaning that way. He's preparing to bring Absalom back. He's feeling that longing and that missing and that desire, and he's allowing his feelings to override. What does God want in this scenario? What does God want in this situation? And if God says, Absalom shall not die for this, then that's fine. God can say that. But notice, well, we're going to get into chapter 14 just a tiny bit,

Next week, we'll cover it more thoroughly. But in what unfolds in chapter 14, well, let's just read it so I don't have to tell you twice. Verse 1 of chapter 14, it says, So Joab the son of Zerub perceived that the king's heart was concerned about Absalom. And Joab sent to Tekoa and brought from there a wise woman and said to her, Please pretend to be a mourner and put on mourning apparel. Do not anoint yourself with oil, but act like a woman who has been mourning for a long time for the dead.

Go to the king and speak to him in this manner. So Joab put words in her mouth. And what you'll see as you read on there in chapter 14 is that she goes and she presents this scenario before David. I had two sons and they fought and one of them killed the other. And now the avenger of blood, my family,

is preparing to put that other son to death because, well, he killed his brother. And so that's the right thing to do. That judgment needs to be executed. It needs to be done. And she calls David to give a stay of execution, to intervene and to prevent the avenger of blood from carrying out that judgment.

And so there's this whole scene that develops as she pretends, or maybe she's telling the truth. Maybe this event's actually happened in her life. It's not totally clear, but she's using this picture, using this story. And then she turns around and says, when David says, okay, your son shall not die. I'll make sure of it. Then she says, well, what about Absalom? Why don't you bring Absalom back?

And you can see some similarities, right? A couple chapters ago, we saw the Lord sent Nathan the prophet to David, and he tells him a story about a rich man with lots of sheep, and then a poor man next to him with one sheep that was like his own daughter, and how the rich man took that poor man's sheep and fed it to his guests, and

David was all enraged and responded. And then Nathan said, you're the man. And that was when he called him out on his sin. And then there was that change, that heart of repentance there with David as he responded to that. And now Joab says, hey, that was a good idea, Nathan. I'm going to give David a story. But in this story, there's no word from the Lord. There's no prophet of God involved. There's Joab. There's this, she's called a wise woman. But what that means is subject to a little bit of discussion.

Joab was wise and crafty, and so he grabs this woman who is going to be able to carry out his plan to convince David to bring Absalom back. And again, this is not the Lord speaking. This is not God directing. This is Joab working with David's emotions, working with and manipulating David's feelings to get him to do something that Joab was interested in seeing happen.

Now, it wasn't wrong for David to mourn for his son every day. There was nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with the mourning. Nothing wrong with the feelings. Nothing wrong with the emotion. But the issue here for David is that he is now set up so that he's not seeking what God wants. And he's allowing himself to be manipulated by what he's feeling and the emotions that he's going through to bring Absalom back. Now, there's still some conflict within him.

And we see that unfold a little bit further, and we're going to finish up in 2 Samuel 14, verses 21 through 24. Like I said, we'll touch on this a little bit. We'll cover it more thoroughly next week. But these verses give us point number four, and that is offer real reconciliation when there is real repentance. Verse 21 here of chapter 14 says, And the king said to Joab, All right, I have granted this thing. Go, therefore, bring back the young man Absalom.

Then Joab fell to the ground on his face and bowed himself and thanked the king. And Joab said, today your servant knows that I have found favor in your sight, my lord, O king, and that the king has fulfilled the request of his servant. So Joab arose and went to Gesher and brought Absalom to Jerusalem. And the king said, let him return to his own house, but do not let him see my face. So Absalom returned to his own house, but did not see the king's face. Here Joab got what he wanted.

He manipulated David and the emotions that he was going through, brought about the decision, yes, bring Absalom back. And so Joab is excited. He goes, he gets Absalom, he brings him back. But what I want to just highlight here and consider for a moment with you is in verse 24, David says, let him return to his house, but do not let him see my face. And just stop and think about that for a moment. There is this

forgiveness, perhaps you might call it, that's offered. There is this reconciliation, perhaps you might call it, that is taking place as Absalom is brought back. But David here is saying, but don't let him see my face. And that's why I'm just kind of touching the surface a little bit this evening, because I think we need to consider this a little bit more as we evaluate chapter 14 next week. But

But to kind of begin to allow our minds to be seeking the Lord and to be meditating on this. What kind of forgiveness and reconciliation is this? Where there's the, yes, come back, but don't let him see my face. I would encourage you to consider that, to think about that, to pray over that. Is that real reconciliation? Is that a real restoration or forgiveness that has taken place?

When there is, well, come back, but we don't get to see each other face to face. Pastor Warren Wiersbe says, Forgiveness that ignores justice is only a fiction. Even God does not restore a banished one without first paying the price to uphold his law. There's a couple aspects to this idea of reconciliation and forgiveness that we need to consider. In order for forgiveness and reconciliation to happen, there does need to be justice. And that doesn't necessarily mean

an execution for Absalom, just like David didn't have to be executed. God made the exception. He granted that. But forgiveness and reconciliation, it's about a restored relationship and justice has to be done. There has to be repentance that goes along with that.

The idea of justice and repentance, they have to go together. There has to be a dealing with, again, going back to point number one, addressing the sin. There has to be the consequences and the remorse for the sin. There has to be the confession of,

And all of this is happening with Absalom and bringing him back. And there's no confession of sin. There's no repentance. There's no justice taking place. David is not saying, come back. And yes, you're going to have to face the consequences for what you've done. And, you know, we'll go through that together, but we'll be together. And, you know, we'll have relationship, but deal with the issue. None of that is happening. It's just a, hey, let's just pretend like...

You know, everything's okay. Like, you know, nothing bad happened. But, you know, something did bad happen. So, you know, just we can't see each other face to face. But like this is not real reconciliation. It's not real forgiveness. It is not actually healing anything in their relationship and in this situation. In fact, this is going to set up the scenario for things to get worse. And that's why it's important for us to consider this.

That's why I made the point offer real reconciliation when there's real repentance. When it's fiction, when it's a fake forgiveness, when it's not a real forgiveness, when it's not a forgiveness in the way that God would forgive, when it's not a reconciliation in the way that God would reconcile, the partial type of reconciliation, the fake kind of reconciliation and forgiveness, it doesn't make things better, but it sets the stage to make things worse.

I think this is something the Lord wants us to consider in dealing with your family. Again, within your realm of authority, there needs to be real reconciliation, but that corresponds with real repentance. The Lord tells us in 1 John 1, right? If we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us. It's talking about that restored relationship. We have access to God. In the book of Hebrews, it talks about that boldness to enter into the very presence of God.

That's the invitation to us. That's real reconciliation. God doesn't forgive us and say, but you can't see my face. God doesn't forgive us and say, but you can't have relationship with me. I'm never going to talk to you again. You can't hear from me. You can't walk with me. You can't know me. You know, that God does not forget. Forgiveness and reconciliation is about that restored relationship.

And the way that God forgives, again, if we're going to be pursuing God's heart, we are going to be looking at how does God forgive and then be seeking to offer that same kind of forgiveness and reconciliation to those around us. And that means, well, there does need to be repentance and just kind of, hey, just move back in and we'll just like, you know, kind of move forward. You know, we're not going to deal with the past. We're just going to move forward. And

Yes, sitting and agonizing over the past for the rest of your life is not the way to live. But to not deal with it at all and to not have real repentance and a real dealing with the sin that took place, that does not help, but it sets the stage for things to get worse. One last quote from Alan Redpath. He says, David's forgiveness of Absalom was completely inadequate, leading to a further outbreak of sin.

God's forgiveness of a man's soul is completely adequate and a great deterrent to continued sin. The way that God forgives, the way that he extends grace and mercy is

Well, it's the goodness of God that leads us to repentance, right? There's that leading away from sin, but this kind of partial forgiveness, this forgiveness that is not the way that God forgives, this reconciliation, which is not the way that God reconciles, this kind of like, you know, let's patch up the relationship, but in a way that's not honoring to the Lord and not consistent with what the Lord would do, it doesn't lead to better things, right?

It sets the stage for more affliction and difficulty and hurt and harm. And there's a balance that we need to walk, that we do need to offer real reconciliation. And sometimes we're reluctant and we don't want to reconcile. We don't want to forgive. And that's hard. But sometimes we're on the other side and we're offering reconciliation and forgiveness when there's no real repentance.

And it's not time yet to reconcile then. It's not time for that relationship to be restored when there's not been the addressing of the sin. And so we have to be careful to, well, guess what I'm going to say? Pursue God's heart. What does God want? How does God want this relationship to be restored? We need to be looking to the Lord for His direction on reconciliation and forgiveness.

There's evidences of repentance that we can see. There's things that we need to consider. There's justice that needs to be administered. There does need to be the dealing with sin, the addressing of sin. And if we don't do that right, if we don't restore those relationships well, we're setting ourselves up, we're setting others up, we're setting the individual up and the people around us up for, well, we're going to read about Absalom and what he does and the hurt and the harm that is caused.

Pursue God's heart in dealing with your family. That means addressing sin in your realm of authority. Where God's given you authority, where God's given you influence, don't just let sin go. Don't just let it, you know, don't just be angry and do nothing. You probably don't know how to deal with it and you're probably not excited about dealing with it.

But that's okay. If you're happy about dealing with sin, then you're probably not the right one to deal with it. So it is appropriate, though, for you to be, like, freaked out and worried and stressed out, and you need to take it to the Lord, and, Lord, how do I deal with this? And there does need to be that interaction, but you need to do it. You need to address the sin. Don't let it go unchecked. It needs to be confronted. Now, not always in every instance. You know, at that instant when it happens, you know, sometimes, sometimes,

There is that appropriate, you know, space, just like God gave David space to repent. And then after a year sent Nathan the prophet to him. So there is that, but God was working it, right? And so the same thing, like you need to be working it and working with the Lord. And okay, here's the way that we need to address this. And here's the right time to address it. But you can't just let it go without addressing it. And when things are suspicious and things are...

something's just not quite right. Make sure you take it to the Lord. Seek the Lord and look to Him. And maybe it is, you know, a plot afoot by the relative, you know, by the family member. Maybe it's the Holy Spirit giving you an indication that they are the

the receiving end of some situation. You know, they're the victims or they're, you know, something that could put them in potential danger. And so, you know, you need to have your radar up and allow the Lord to direct you and speak to you about those situations.

As you deal with family, man, emotions are high. Feelings are big, you know, and we experience all kinds of those things and they're very strong and the affection that we have for one another is great and yet God calls us to love him more than all of those other relationships and so give God's will more weight than all of your feelings. What does God want? I want to bring Absalom back. What does God want? What does God want in the situations that you are dealing with?

and where there has been that broken relationship, offer reconciliation. But don't offer partial or fake. You know, well, I won't get to see your face, but you know, you can come back around. You know, don't offer the partial, the fake, the kind of reconciliation and forgiveness that God would offer is the kind of reconciliation and forgiveness that we are to offer when there's real repentance, when there is justice, when it is right. We need to forgive.

and reconcile. And following up with what Paul said in 1 Corinthians chapter 5, the guy who had been in sin, who was put out, they did address the sin. Then later on, he was repentant. And Paul says, you need to reconcile. Now it is time to bring him back. There has been a repentance. There has been a dealing with the sin for him. And so now it's time to restore that, to offer forgiveness, to express love and

And that is appropriate and that is the right way for reconciliation to take place. And so I want to encourage you this morning to, this evening to learn from David's example, what not to do and instead pursue God's heart in dealing with your family.

Ronnie's going to come up and close this in a couple songs or one song. And as he does, we just want to worship the Lord. I want to encourage you to be praying for your family, perhaps some other areas of authority, you know, and that could be in the workplace or some other arena where these things also apply. You can be in prayer for them and be seeking the Lord and seeing what does God want for you and for your family and those arenas of authority.

But as usual, as we spend this time in worship, we want to give you the opportunity to minister to one another. And so perhaps the Lord would want to use you to pray for someone, to encourage someone with a scripture or something that God has on your heart. And so during the song, you're able to, you're welcome to, you know, go sit next to someone and encourage them, pray for them, minister to them, or invite them to pray for you and minister to you as the Lord leads. And so let's worship the Lord together as we pursue his heart.

We pray you have been blessed by this Bible teaching. The power of God to change a life is found in the daily reading of His Word. Visit ferventword.com to find more teachings and Bible study resources.