MINISTRY MINDED LESSON 7 WATCH YOUR TONGUE2015 Teaching by Jerry B Simmons

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Year: 2015

Title: Ministry Minded Lesson 7 Watch Your Tongue

Teacher: Jerry B Simmons

Series: 2015 Ministry Minded Series

Teaching Transcript: Ministry Minded Lesson 7 Watch Your Tongue

You are listening to FerventWord, an online Bible study ministry with teachings and tools to help you grow deeper in your relationship with God. The following message was taught by Jerry Simmons in 2015. All right, welcome back to Ministry Minded. We're in Lesson 7 now, and the subject is Watch...

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I like a quote from Chuck Swindoll. He says, I am personally convinced that the number one enemy of Christian unity is the tongue. It's not drink, not drugs, not poor homes, not inflation, not TV, not even a bad church program. It's

tongue. And there is a lot of problems that we face because of the tongue. And yet, even though that's true for every one of us as individuals, and we'll see that here in James, we all struggle in things regarding our tongue, there's also some specific

issues that relate to ministry and church things, and those things also kind of further complicate and make it even more difficult and more things for us to consider as we talk about the tongue. And so we're going to get started here in James chapter 3, and would you look with me at verse 1? It says, My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. And so here in

Chapter 3, verse 1 of James, he says, first of all, be careful when, you know, you become a teacher because those who teach, now the idea here of teaching, it doesn't only mean from the pulpit, but, you know, instructing others and discipling others and helping others along in their Christian faith comes with a greater, stricter accountability and a stricter judgment, he says.

And so there's, you know, kind of a focus on us as believers as we begin to teach that the Lord's going to be dealing with us at another level as far as judging us and regarding to what we do. And specifically, he says what we say. In verse 2, he goes on to say, for we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to

Also to bridle the whole body. So he connects this with the word for, right? He says, we shall receive a stricter judgment. So don't all become, don't let many become teachers because we'll receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble. So here's the reality for those who are in ministry, for those who lead, for those who teach, you're going to stumble, that's guaranteed. And you're going to be judged more strictly for it.

So it's not that you stop stumbling when you become a teacher, but you continue to stumble and there's a stricter judgment that comes with it. And he goes on specifically to say, if anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.

And so he says, we all stumble, we all fall short, we receive a stricter judgment as a result as teachers, as leaders in the body of Christ. And then he gives our words as kind of like the key example to that. He says, if you could be perfect in your words, then that would mean that you are perfect in your whole body. And so this is a key issue as he talks about our words. It's a key issue as he talks about our tongue.

And if you could be perfect in your tongue, you could be perfect in all of life. The point being, you're not perfect. And at the top of the list of the areas you're not perfect is your words. You stumble in your words. You stumble in the things that you say and in the words that you use, the tone that you have. You stumble in your words, and there's a stricter judgment that we have because of our responsibility within the body of Christ.

And so we are in a precarious position, deserving stricter judgment and stumbling frequently and constantly, regularly in our words. In James 1, verse 26, James says,

And so you see the need for us to bridle the tongue, and yet at the same time, there's going to be the stumblings in the tongue as well. There's going to be the stumblings in our words and the stricter judgment, the stricter accountability that comes along with it.

And so there's a need for us to talk about our words. There's a need for us to talk about the tongue because, well, there is a judgment that we face and we're not going to be perfect in it. I'm not perfect in it. And please understand, as I teach through these things, there's no declaration or proclamation, you know, that I have got all this figured out and I don't stumble in my words. I wish I didn't, but if I did, I would be completely perfect in every other capacity as well.

But that's not the reality. And so I stumble in my words, you stumble in your words, and if we...

don't work on our tongue, if we don't work on our words, he says we're deceiving ourselves and our religion is useless. And so it needs to be something that we pay attention to. And so this evening I want to encourage you to watch your tongue and we'll look at five different aspects or five different things for us to consider, specifically regarding our tongue and our words in ministry.

And so for the first point, we're going to stay here in James chapter 3 and jump down to verse 9 and 10. And here I want to encourage us to speak consistently. In order for us to be above reproach with our words, we need to be consistent in our words. That is to not be speaking one thing in one moment and something else in the next moment. Look at James chapter 3 verse 9 and 10.

He says, So as we talk about watching your tongue, the first thing is to speak consistently. Notice this.

What James is highlighting here is inconsistency. He's saying there's an issue because with your tongue, you bless God. And at the same time, with the same tongue, you curse men. And men have been made in the image of God. And so you're not consistent with your words. Because, well, if you bless God truly, then you would bless men who are made in the image of God.

And so to have one moment speaking blessings of God and one moment speaking cursings of men shows an inconsistency. He goes on to say in verse 10, out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. And he says, this should not be so. Inconsistency in our words is something that God is concerned about. Now, how do we demonstrate this inconsistency? Well, we

smile at the person we're talking to. We say, oh, that'll be so great. Yeah, such a good conversation. It's so good to talk to you. Have a great day. And then we turn around. I hate that guy. Anybody ever guilty of that? Don't raise your hand. Okay, Jake is. It's that inconsistency where we're saying one thing, but it's not genuine. It's not what we mean. We're just saying words that don't represent our actual heart, that don't represent our

how we actually feel or what we actually think. And then we turn around and we say something different because, well, we're faking one of the two. We're faking one of them. One of them is not genuine for us. There needs to be a consistency in our words so that we say the same thing, so that we are not saying one thing here and another thing there, so that we're not blessing here and cursing there, but that we are consistent in our

Really, our blessing. I mean, you could be consistent in your cursing, but that's not really much better. To be consistent in our blessing, to be consistent in our gracious words, to be consistent in how we speak and the way that we address and treat people with our words.

Remember what Jesus taught in Luke chapter 6, verse 45. He says, So the real issue with our tongues and with our words is it comes back down to the heart. And it's out of the heart that the mouth speaks. It's the abundance or the overflow of the heart that comes forth out of our mouth.

And so I know sometimes we think that, you know, those other people are the people who put those words in our mouth, but those words are from our heart and it's the overflow, the bubbling over. And so when there is an inconsistency, when there is the blessing and the cursing, it's an indication that the heart is not right. Right?

And so it needs to draw us back and drive us back to the Lord in repentance to ask God to change our hearts because the issue is really our hearts. When we are speaking evil, it is coming from our heart and the evil that is in our heart. And so the real key here is to love people genuinely, especially as I'm talking about ministry, to genuinely love people.

And to not be inconsistent and pretend to love people and pretend to be, you know, gracious and pretend to be merciful or kind or to speak well of others, but then to not be genuine in it. That's the real issue. When we see that inconsistency, and we all will have that inconsistency,

We need to call out to God, recognizing I will be subject to a stricter judgment. And so as I recognize that inconsistency, I need to go back to the Lord and ask God to change my heart that I would love people genuinely. God really wants you to be genuine. That's what he desires. He desires for you to be real. Now, that doesn't mean that we have to be offensive. That doesn't mean that there's no room for tact.

You understand what I'm saying. There's often an inconsistency, not just in, you know, slightly changing up the words, but we're misrepresenting who we really are as we have discussions with different people. Let me give you an example. I think this is something that I've seen throughout the years in ministry and something that's easy for us to fall prey to, and that is

In ministry, sometimes we need to have discussions about people because we're making decisions about, you know, who's going to teach here, who's going to serve there, and what's going on, and how are these things going to come together. And so, you know, people are part of that discussion. And so we're talking about people, and they're maybe not present. They maybe aren't around. And so we're talking about people, and they're maybe not present.

And so as we're having this discussion, let's say Harvey and I are having this discussion, we say, well, who can teach on this Sunday morning when Jerry is gone, and

and Harvey suggests, well, what about Josh? I think maybe Josh could teach, and I would maybe share with Harvey, I don't know, man, because Josh, he's kind of flaky, and he's Samoan. We don't like Samoans that much, and so I'm just not sure. He's not real faithful, and he's not around enough, and there's this discussion I'm having with Harvey about Josh, right? Now,

Then I go to Josh and I have a conversation. Yeah, you know, I know you wanted to teach that Sunday, but, and then I make up some other reason instead of the things I'm telling Harvey. You see, if there's a real issue with faithfulness of Josh, let's say, and I'm just using Josh as an example, then when I go to talk to Josh about why he's not going to be teaching that Sunday, I should be talking to him about the faithfulness.

Not some other reason because I don't really want to address because that's a harder conversation. Oh, yeah, we were going to have you teach, but Dave had a message ready. He really wanted to teach. So I'm sorry. Would you mind just letting Dave teach? And so I'm just kind of like being inconsistent. I'm trying to get around having that real conversation. And it's an inconsistency. It's something that we often do. Now,

I could give many, many, many examples of this that I've done, I've seen, has been done to me. It's just something that we do because it's sometimes easier than dealing with the real issues.

But I would encourage you, I would ask you, especially as we're dealing with things in ministry, we need to be genuine. And that means that sometimes we're going to have some difficult conversations. Yeah, I know you'd really like to do this. I know you'd really like to serve in this way, but let me sit you down and share with you, here's why I

I don't believe this is right at this time. Rather than, you know, just casting it aside or beating around the bush or, you know, having that kind of conversation. But really having a serious heart-to-heart about the real issues and not pretending like it's something else or making up something else just so we don't have to have the conversation. And so I think that's one thing for us to consider.

Consistency in our words, genuineness in our words as we talk to one another or as we talk to the person that is the subject of the conversation. Well, a second thing for us to consider, you can jump over to Matthew chapter 18 now. And here, point number two is to speak to offenders privately. Speak to offenders privately. And so if we're going to watch our tongue, first of all, we need to learn to be consistent and check our heart and let God change our heart.

But we also need to make sure that we follow the biblical model and the biblical instruction regarding handling issues as we need to have discussions and talk about things that have gone on. I would suggest that Matthew 18, verse 15 is the absolute most disregarded scripture by Christians. Now, maybe that's a crazy outlandish claim, but I would challenge you to challenge that.

I think that we disregard this scripture. We ignore this scripture to a great degree and to our peril. Matthew chapter 18 verse 15. Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. Here Jesus gives us instruction about how to deal with someone who's sinned against us. Now this

directly applies to watching your tongue because what our normal pattern is, is instead of going and having the discussion with that person who sinned against us, we have discussions with a dozen other people unrelated to the situation, either to vent our frustration, to talk about how terrible that person is,

or we go from, well, what do you think I should do? What do you think I should do? What do you think I should do? What do you think I should do? What do you think I should do? And we have this chain of, you know, counselors that is not biblical. It's not at all the way that God has instructed us to behave.

And so I would ask for you to take serious consideration of this passage, this verse, and make sure that you practice it, especially for you who are involved in ministry. You need to make sure that you follow the scriptures. When someone has sinned against you, don't make it public when it wasn't public. Don't go and tell others about that person or what they did. You go tell that person between you and them alone. Keep it private.

And of course, you know the rest of the passage, how to deal with it if they're unrepented. But most of the time, that's not even the issue. If we would go to chapter 18, verse 15 of Matthew and just do what it says, we would never have to go to the next verse most of the time because the issues are resolved with that conversation one-on-one with the person that has sinned against us.

Sometimes the sin that is against us was imagined in our own head. So it wasn't a real sin against us. And so in the process of having that discussion, we learned that, oh, well, I was wrong. I thought you did this. I thought you meant that. I thought you said this. And so then it's resolved. Sometimes the person actually did sin against us.

But they would repent immediately if they were made aware of it. It was not in a knowing way. It wasn't an intentional thing, but they hurt us. They harmed us. It wasn't intentional. And so if we have the discussion, they immediately can recognize what has taken place and then can make amends and there can be reconciliation. And then sometimes the person did intend to harm you. The person did actually sin against you.

but is genuinely repentant and asks for forgiveness. And you can reconcile. And so he says, if he hears you, you've gained your brother. And so we are to reconcile. Remember Peter said, how many times should I forgive my brother? If he makes this same sin against me over and over and over again, how many times? And Jesus made the point that it's essentially unlimited. We're to forgive those who are repentant, who ask for forgiveness.

And so first things first, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. Now, sometimes we might try to get out of this scripture, recognizing I can't go tell everybody else. And so then I won't tell nobody, but I also won't go talk to that person. And so then I just keep it. I just hold on to this issue, this fault. And Jesus here is saying, if there is this sin against you, go and address it.

especially for those of you who are in ministry, those of you who are leading, you're serving in some capacity, there's no room for us to be holding grudges against others who are in the fellowship. There's no room for that because how can we minister and how can we lead and how can we serve those that we have these things against? We're holding these grudges because we've not resolved them.

Leaders cannot have unresolved issues hanging over relationships for long periods of time. It's not good. It's not healthy. It's not healthy for you. It's not healthy for the body. It's not healthy for anyone. And so if your brother sins against you, follow what Jesus says. Go have that discussion between you and them alone. Don't go talk about it with your best friend. Don't go talk about it with your neighbor. Don't go talk about it with everybody else.

You go have that discussion one-on-one. Well, what about, can I talk to Pastor George? I mean, I might need some counsel. I might need some guidance. I would say no. Jesus didn't say find an apostle and then go tell them or come tell me and then I'll, you know. No, go talk to that person. Have the discussion. Well, what if I don't understand? Well, that's why you have a discussion. That's why you approach in humility. That's what needs to be had, right?

You go have that conversation between you and them alone. And if it progresses from there and there's more, you know, need required, well, then that's when you bring in others who can get involved. And that's what Jesus talks about in the following verses. Watch your tongue. Make sure that you speak to offenders privately, not about offenders publicly or to others who are not involved.

I like what Albert Barnes says about this. He says, in nine cases out of ten, where one supposes that he has been injured, a little friendly conversation would set the matter right and prevent difficulty. Nine times out of ten. Like I said, the majority of the time. A little conversation clears up the whole thing. Most of the time. And yet we're so reluctant to have that conversation. We're so reluctant to approach that situation. Especially because, notice the...

The way that Jesus is talking here, you're the one who's been injured. And so, you know, it's very tempting to say, well, they should come talk to me.

But that's pride, and we need to humble ourselves and go and make reconciliation for the good of our own selves, for the good of them, and for the good of the body. And nine times out of ten, all of our personal issues could be resolved, he says, with a friendly conversation. It doesn't even have to be a four-day marathon meeting. It often can be just a short conversation that clears up everything. Speak to offenders first.

privately. Charles Spurgeon says, many a friend has been transformed into an enemy by being suspected. Do not therefore look about you with the eyes of mistrust. Here's what happens. If we don't go and address the situation, then there's this lens that now we look through everything that happens through this lens. And oh yeah, this person, yeah, they already offended me here. And then look what they're doing here. And look what they're doing here. Yeah, see, they're still doing it. And they still hate me. And they still feel like that. And they still do these things. And, and, and

And it might not even be real. It might not even be true. Although we're convinced absolutely it's true, we're suspicious now. And he says, many a friend has been transformed into an enemy. This can happen to any of us. I've known many of you guys for decades. But we can be separated if we don't learn to have these conversations, don't learn to talk about these things, speak to offenders privately.

Well, next let's jump to Ephesians chapter 4 verse 29, one of my favorite scriptures. Here the point is speak to edify. We can resolve a lot of our issues. We can watch our tongue really well if we will follow what Paul instructs us here in Ephesians chapter 4 verse 29. Here's what it says. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

There's a lot of conversations that we have that are kind of hard to describe. And sometimes we have conversations where you're wondering, is this conversation okay to have? Being in ministry, sometimes it's just part of the job. You have to talk about situations that are happening in people's lives. You have to. It's part of the job. So, you know, I'm doing some counseling with some couple, let's say, and

Dave says, hey, I'm going to have them, you know, teach and lead the whole marriage retreat. And I go, hey, Dave, you know, there's some things that, now, not that I give all the details of what's going on, but hey, you need to know there's some issues. Maybe that's not the best move. It's appropriate, and we need to address issues, and our issues relate to people. And so there's times where people are the subject of our conversation, and

And that's appropriate and that's necessary. But how do you discern? How do you determine when is this okay? And when is this just way beyond the line? When is this gossip and slander and tailbearing? And when is it, what's, how do you evaluate that? And that's where Ephesians chapter four, verse 29 comes in. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth. But what is good for necessary edification that it may impart grace to the hearers?

We need to be very careful with our words so that corrupt words don't proceed out. And that we're selective. Only what is good for necessary edification. Only the things that are necessary, but also that they build up.

And so if there's some edifying that takes place with our words, well, then there's a good indication there that it's valuable, that it's an okay conversation to have. That if it imparts grace to the hearers, so who are you having the conversation with?

Do they receive grace from the words that you're sharing? Are they benefiting? Are they growing? Is there development that's happening from this conversation? Consider it in a couple other versions. The New International Version says, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

So you see there the idea, it needs to be helpful. It needs to build up. It needs to benefit those who listen. The New Living Translation says, don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

And so there's that encouragement that needs to take place. There's the helpfulness that needs to be there. And so we need to be selective in our words, to watch our tongue, to make sure that things are building up, that things are edifying, that things are helping. And so the conversations we have are not just nonsense and they're not just gossip and they're not just, you know, talking about things that are inappropriate.

But that the conversations that we have amongst one another and with others around us and outside of the church, that there's a helpfulness, that there's a necessary edification that is there where we're building people up and demonstrating grace and giving that to those who are hearing our words. And so we need...

to speak in order to edify. Now, there's a lot of different areas of our conversations, not just talking about situations where people are involved. That's one aspect. But another aspect you could consider from Titus 3, verse 9, where Paul tells Titus, So,

And following Ephesians chapter 4, you know, those words for necessary edification, as people involved in ministry, there's a lot of foolish disputes that we can have. There's tons. There's multiple upon multiple upon multiple foolish disputes that we can have. Talking about genealogies and contentions and strivings about the law or doctrine or whatever. There's just tons of nonsense that we can engage in that's unprofitable and useless. Right?

And he tells Titus, avoid those kinds of discussions. Watch your tongue. Those don't edify. They don't build up. You engage in them. It riles people up. And there's all, you know, there's fallout. There's damage that's done, but there's no benefit. And so avoid those types of conversations. We need to speak in order to edify. Albert Barnes says, he who talks for the mere sake of talking will say many foolish things.

He whose great aim in life is to benefit others will not be likely to say that which he will have occasion to regret. I like that. If our aim is to benefit others, we're not going to have a lot of regret in the things that we say. Now, just to use myself as an example, I love to make jokes. I enjoy goofing off and saying silly things. And sometimes I do so at the expense of

of being helpful, of being beneficial. I'm having a good time, but suddenly, you know, the other person's not having such a good time. And so I may say something offensive that I don't mean, and I know it's offensive, but I never meant it to begin with, but it would just be really funny if I could say this. And it's not that funny. It's just offensive. But man, in my head, it's a really good joke. And so if I'm aiming to joke,

So this is one of the reasons why I try to be careful what kind of humor I include in my messages. And this is also why I don't typically plan humor into my messages. I don't want that to be an aim. And so if there's humor, it just kind of comes out. But that can be scary as well. So you have to be careful. But if I'm aiming to joke, if my goal going into the message is to give everybody a good laugh, I'm going to have regrets. Right?

And that's not just true when I'm teaching, but in conversations. If my goal is to get a good laugh and to get a good, you know, one-liner and to make everybody chuckle, I'm going to have regrets. If my aim is just to talk, then I'm going to regret it. It's not going to be helpful. But if my aim is to edify, I will have many fewer regrets. I'll still have regrets because everybody stumbles in our words. We all do.

but many fewer regrets if my focus, if my aim is to edify. J. Vernon McGee says this about a tailbearer. He says, a tailbearer is one who tells something in order to hurt someone else. Sometimes the thing he is saying is true, but he still ought not to say it to others. And so again, speak to edify. The thing that you might be saying might be true. And so sometimes we kind of

justify what we're saying, what we're talking about when we're talking about somebody else or talking to somebody else. We might say, but it's true. It's fact. It's what really happened. But because it's hurtful, because it's harmful, it's not something that we should be declaring. It's not something that we should be saying. We need to make sure our aim is to edify. That we don't just talk to talk. That we don't just talk because...

I didn't pull in some of the Proverbs, but there's tons of Proverbs about these kinds of situations and issues. I have some later on, but...

But you know the idea of the gossip, that tail goes down to your inmost being. It's like a tasty trifle. It's like, oh, wow, that's so good. We all get that. And there's some perverse pleasure that we have in telling. Oh, yeah, well, I have some inside information. Did you know? There's this perversity. And maybe it's true, but that doesn't make it right. The challenge is, the test is, the standard is, does it edify?

Does it bring grace to the hearers? Is that helpful to the people that you're talking to? Watch your tongue. Make sure that you speak to edify. Well, number four, jumping down now to 1 Corinthians 1, speak with your name attached. Speak with your name attached. Now, here Paul is writing to the Church of Corinth, and he's addressing issues in the Church of Corinth. He's answering some of their questions, and

In addition to their questions, he's bringing some serious rebuke to the church. Now, Paul wasn't in Corinth. That's why he had to write a letter to get this message to them. So how did Paul know about what was happening in Corinth? How did Paul know what issues needed to be addressed? He wasn't talking about like the book of Romans where, you know, he's speaking about doctrine. He's speaking very generally. These things are true. He was talking about very specific situations.

specific conversations, specific words that were being said. He had great detail about what was happening in the church of Corinth, even though he wasn't in Corinth. So was someone gossiping to Paul and that's how he heard about the issues. And so then he wrote the letter. Is that how it took place? Well, consider 1 Corinthians 1, verse 11. He says,

that there are contentions among you. So Paul states right up front, chapter one, right at the very beginning, all right, I'm about to address some things. And I want you to know how I know about these things that I'm about to address. It was told me by those of Chloe's household. You guys know Chloe? Yeah, right? Okay, so her house, you know, she...

She had some business over there and she sent out people from her household and they came over to me. So you know all this and you know they came to me and they told me about all of these situations that are happening within the church. So now I'm writing to you and I have some serious rebuke and I need to address these situations. Here's what I'm suggesting.

It was not wrong for the members of Chloe's household to bring these issues to light for the Apostle Paul. It was right, it was appropriate, and it was proper. And one of the ways to understand that or to know that it was okay is Paul here is able to declare who brought this information. Chloe's household gave me this information.

Again, this is something that if we would apply this to our conversations and to the way that we behave, it would resolve so many issues. If we would just be willing to attach our name. Instead of coming to someone and saying, well, I heard so-and-so said, you know, some anonymous person. So many times we have this kind of approach to dealing with situations or having conversations.

Listen, if you come to me with a situation involving someone else, if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, first of all, I'm going to take you to Matthew chapter 18. I say, you go talk to them. But if it's a situation that now warrants my attention, I'm going to go talk to that person. I'm going to go address that situation and say, you know, Richard came over. He was telling me about these things. And so we need to have this discussion. There needs to be a willingness for us to attach our name to the things that we say. And so it should never be, you didn't hear this from me.

But Harvey really likes to eat cake. Just don't tell anybody I told you. That should never be the case for us as believers and especially for us in ministry. We should never have conversations that we're not willing to own, to have our name attached to. And any conversation that we're not willing to have our name attached to is a wrong conversation for us to have.

Now again, sometimes these things get really messy. Sometimes we do have to talk about people. Sometimes we have to talk about people so we can talk to people. Sometimes we have to address situations. We have to address issues. And it's very sensitive. It's very difficult. There's a lot of pain. There's a lot of hurt. There's all kinds of history. And there's all kinds of things that go into it. And so I understand the reluctance sometimes to attach your name, to make it more soft, to, you know,

well, I don't want to violate their trust. But listen, if you can't attach your name to it, don't talk about it. Certainly don't tell me about it. I don't need to hear it if you're not willing to say, yeah, you can tell them I told you. That needs to be something that we hold on to. Now, along those same lines, I would encourage you, as you have opportunity to meet with people individually,

Maybe there is a special situation in their life. There's things that they're going through. They need some extra counsel, extra prayer. Now, just to be clear, none of us are counselors in the legal sense of the word, right? So although we use the word counsel, we kind of use it very loosely. It's not a legal type of counsel that we provide. We provide, you know,

biblical examples or biblical instruction, you know, those kinds of things. And there's a big difference, you know, when it comes to legal issues and lawsuits and things like that. There's a huge liability that we have if we are claiming to be professional counselors and telling people what to do. I kind of got lost on the sidetrack there. So coming back. So you're having a conversation with someone. Don't promise secrecy. You can't promise secrecy. You can promise discretion, but

You can, and you need to use discretion and you should not ever be, you know, broadcasting people's issues and using that as an opportunity to talk to other people about that person. But at the same time, sometimes we have to share information. There's legal requirements that we have. So, you know, if I come to information, regardless of how I get it, of some child being abused, you can't promise secrecy. Don't tell anyone or, you know, you didn't,

I have to address that. That's a legal requirement. But not only that, if Richard's counseling with somebody, he's ministering to somebody, and this situation is just like way over his head. He's like, I'm lost. I don't know how to deal with this. You know, it's totally appropriate for Richard to come to another elder, to a pastor, and say, hey,

this is kind of the situation. I don't know how to address it. It's appropriate. And so it's important that we don't promise secrecy. Just across the board, I would say, we can't promise, we can't guarantee secrecy. But here's what we can guarantee. We can guarantee integrity. Integrity. I will attach my name. If I have to address this, if I have to share this with somebody else, it's not going to be, you know, some anonymous tip. It's going to be

I will attach my name, that I will deal with this appropriately and use discretion when I need to address it. Here's what Chuck Swindoll says about this. He says, what should we do then when we have disagreements that need to be expressed? He says, we need to take them to leaders who can do something about them, to those who will really listen, evaluate, and respond to what we have to say. So going back to Corinthians, here's what Chloe's household did. They went to a leader who could do something about the issues that

So that then he would be able to evaluate and respond to what was going on. And that is totally appropriate. What's inappropriate is to not attach our name, to not be willing to be accountable for the things that we say. That's the real issue there. When we attach our name, we're accountable to what we say. And to try to be unwilling to be, or to try to be unaccountable, if you're unwilling to be accountable, then there's an issue. You need to make sure that you speak

Now, this is something that is embarrassing how bad we get this. We do this so terribly all the time.

especially, I mean, if you want a good example of this, just, you know, spend a day on Facebook and you'll see how we, we, you know,

Post things, we say things, we talk about people, and we never verify the source. We never figure out if this really happened. We just repost, reshare. There's all this nonsense, all this junk, all these things that are hideously false, slander, accusations, all kinds of things that we just buy and we just share, we pass it on. And we never really attempt to find out, is this really true?

He says, look, if you want to find the truth, you have to first find the source. Now, the reason why I share that is, okay, so for us to attach our name is we're making ourselves available and saying, I'm the source. You can come talk to me about this. This is something I'm willing to share. This is the proof that this is real, that it's legitimate. And we need to be having conversations, especially when it's about sensitive issues, especially when we have to address situations and problems with people, especially

that we're working and we're dealing with integrity and that we're willing to attach our name, that there's no underhanded, there's no shadiness, there's no, you know, behind the scenes, you know, black box type thing, but that we're willing to say, yeah. So when they come back upset, hey, you told Pastor Jerry about me. Yes, I did, because it was a situation that needed to be addressed. That's appropriate. Attach your name to the things that you speak.

Well, for the fifth point, we look now at Luke chapter 12, verse 13 and 14. Don't speak about matters that are not your own or not your business. In Luke chapter 12, it's interesting. A guy from the crowd calls out to Jesus and says, teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me. But Jesus said to him, man, who made me a judge or an arbitrator over you? So Jesus is teaching. This guy interrupts and says, hey, would you tell my brother to share the inheritance? Dad's gone.

He's the guy who handles the estate, and I don't think he's doing it very fairly. Can you tell him? And here's what this guy's objective is. He wants to go back to his brother and says, hey, brother, Jesus says you have to. He's on my side. You have to share in this way. You have to do what he says. You have to do what I say because Jesus says so too. But it's interesting how Jesus responds.

He says, man, who made me a judge or an arbitrator over you? Now, if anybody could be a judge over them, it was Jesus, right? But he says, you know, that's not my business. I don't need to deal with that. Now, this is important for us to consider because in ministry, people will try to put you against others. And typically, it's others who are not present to try to go back to the other person and say, well, you know, I talked about this with Josh. And Josh agrees with me. Here's what you should do.

They're going to try to pull you into things that are not your business. And we need to be careful not to let people suck us into things that we don't have any part of. That's not our business. It's not our job to tell people what to do, except to tell people to seek the Lord and follow him. But to give people the specifics of what they should do in specific situations in their life, that's very rare that we're actually called to do that. We need to be careful that we don't let people pull us in.

There was a situation a long time ago. I got a phone call. It was before I was a pastor here. I got a phone call from someone in the congregation, and the person said, hey, we were thinking about doing this and doing that, and here's what we wanted to do. And I was like, I don't know why you're telling me about this. Like, you're talking to me about something I have no authority over. You know, like, why are you talking to me? I didn't say it exactly like that. But

But then they said, well, oh, well, you know, I talked to Pastor Tom about it. And here's what he said. Now, I don't think that's right. Do you think that's right? And you see what the attempt was for that

that division to take place, right? It's like, hey, you know, I want you on my side, don't you think? Because I want to go back to Tom and say, Jerry's on my side, and he agrees with me, and so, you know, and there's that attempt. It happens. It happens in ministry. It happens all over the place, and we need to be very careful to stay out of things that we have no business being engaged in. People's personal matters and their personal lives are

That's on them. That's between them and the Lord. We give general direction and counsel, and we can give advice, but we need to be very careful not to be getting involved in matters that are really not our business. And I love how Jesus handles this. In the next verse, Luke 12, 15, he says to them, take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.

What does Jesus do? He says, OK, you want to talk about that? Here, let's talk about the core issue here. So he doesn't deal with, tell one to deal with the other. But let's talk about the heart, covetousness. You're really bent out of shape because you don't have all the stuff that you want. You don't have all the money that you think you deserve. So let's talk about covetousness. Let's deal with that. And so that's how we need to approach this. Don't focus on the matters that are not your business, but focus on more important issues.

It's okay to address the heart and say, well, you know, here's how our heart is supposed to be. Here's the things that we should be involved in and engaged in and seeking after. I love this proverb, Proverbs 26, 17. He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a dog by the ears. You're asking for trouble. You're asking to get bit in the face if you meddle in quarrels that are not your own. That's what this guy was asking Jesus to do. Jesus, my brother won't share.

And Jesus says, I'm not going to take the dog by the ears. I'm not that foolish. We need to be careful that we're not that foolish, that we don't let people pull us in to meddling in things that, now sometimes it's easy for us to get worked up, but there's a lot of things that we don't need to be involved in. It's not our business. And we don't help the situation many times by being involved. So

Watch your tongue. Speak consistently. Speak to offenders privately. Speak to edify. Speak with your name attached. And don't speak about matters that are not your business. And I love the psalmist when he says, set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips. Now, I want to walk through these points briefly.

Briefly, much more briefly than I just did. But also understanding the things that we've just been talking about, about watching your tongue and how we're to behave with our tongue, that we need to require these things of those who speak to us as well. So it's not just about your words that you say, but it's about the words that you listen to.

And so when someone comes and talks to you, specifically talking about someone else, specifically talking about, you know, some other situation or what they like or dislike or agree with or disagree with in the church or ministry or whatever the case may be, require these same things. So requiring, number one, that they speak consistently.

And you can see that. You can spot that. You can identify that many times, especially if it's someone that you've known, you know? And so you can see the blessing and the cursing happening. And we need to be willing to hold people accountable to that and say, look, I don't need to have this conversation with you because you're not being consistent. You're not being genuine. This is not right.

In Proverbs chapter 26, verse 24, he says, he who hates disguises it with his lips and lays up deceit within himself. You don't have to entertain conversations where someone is disguising their hatred with their lips. And so you witness the person saying, oh, you're the best friend in the whole world. And then he leaves and you turn around. I hate that guy. You witness that. Hey, you don't have to entertain that conversation. Hold people accountable.

Make sure that you're not listening to those who are speaking inconsistently. Make sure the people that you hear from, that you receive from, not that you have to be the final judge of everything, but when you see those inconsistencies, then it gives you clear direction about how much you should receive from what they say. Well, secondly, speak to offenders privately. Now, again, here in Matthew 18, verse 15, if someone comes to you and says, you know, Harvey did this to me,

Your first instinct should be Matthew 18, 15. Why are you talking to me? Why don't you go talk to them? That should be how you handle it. That should be the way that you address it. And you should hold people to that. Require this from those who speak to you. Don't come talk to me about your issues with somebody else unless you first followed what the Lord says and gone and attempted to reconcile with that brother, that sister in the Lord.

That's biblical. That should be our stance. Again, sometimes we get so worked up. And I kind of liken it to, and I don't know if you guys get sold as much as I get sold, but people in need, people who are homeless, they come all the time, and they have great stories, and I'm super gullible, and it's a fight. I know there's a catch. You know what I mean? I know that there's something not real, but I want to buy into the story. I want to believe it. And so...

Sometimes it's like, I can't believe they would make this up. They would be so bold and brash and say these things. And then later we find out, yeah, it was all a lie. It was just a ploy to get money. Sometimes when people come to us, they're not necessarily so devious about it, but sometimes they are. And man, it's really compelling. Oh yeah, no wonder you didn't go talk to them. Yeah, I could see that. And there's this convincing like, oh yeah, yeah. And it's easy for us to get sucked in.

It's easy for us. Now, sometimes we have this kind of like, you know, we want to be people's savior type of complex as well. And so it's like, well, yeah, tell me your problems so that I can fix them, you know. We need to be careful. Look, follow what the scripture says and require this from those who talk to you. You have an issue with somebody else, go speak to them privately.

attempt to deal with it the way that God instructs. Proverbs chapter 20 verse 19 says, he who goes about as a tailbearer reveals secrets. Therefore, do not associate with the one who flatters with his lips. The tailbearer reveals secrets. Don't put up with the tailbearer. Don't let them tell you all kinds of secrets. Don't associate. Notice that, what he says. Don't associate. Separate yourself. Make a standard. I'm not, I don't have to listen to this.

I don't have to put up with this. You are not going to have these kinds of conversations with me. Paul tells Titus something similar in Titus 3, verse 10. The divisive person is someone who tries to come in and divide.

So someone comes in and tries to get you against somebody else. Try to put your words against their words. Try to put some type of division, some type of separation. You belong on my party and not to their party. You know, it's that division that takes place. And Titus, or Paul tells Titus, don't put up with that. Reject a divisive person after the first and second admonition. So give him a chance.

Correct them. That's the admonition part. So instruct them. Have that difficult conversation and say, this isn't right, what you are doing, what you're asking me to do, what you're attempting to do here. This is not right. Have that discussion. And then when they try it again, have that discussion again. But then after that, they do it again. Okay, I'm not going to have conversations with you. I'm separating myself from you. I'm not going to associate with you because you continue to attempt to divide. Okay?

I'm not going to put up with that. You need to deal with your own issues and speak to offenders privately. Don't come to me with your issues with other people. You need to go deal with it the way the Lord instructs us to. Well, speak to edify. This is something you need to require from those who speak to you. And this is very easy to determine. Is it building you up? This conversation, they're going on and on and on. Is it building you up?

You are not obligated to sit and listen to things that are not edifying, to things that are not building up, to things that are not helpful and useful. Require that those who talk to you be edifying with their words. Require it. Set a standard. Proverbs chapter 16, verse 27 says, an ungodly man digs up evil and it is on his lips like a burning fire. Think about that. We might think very highly of people

who are speaking to us. But we need to let the word of God override how we feel. He says, if a person's digging up evil and it's on his lips like a burning fire, it's an ungodly person. It's not good. It's not edifying. It doesn't help. Don't listen to that. Don't put up with that kind of conversation. Don't sit through that. Require from those who speak to you that they speak words of edification. Require that.

I like the way that John Piper addresses this. He says,

Notice that last line. It strokes the ego's desire to be seen as right without playing by the rules of love. One who is gossiping is attempting that, to be seen as right, but they're not operating in love. He says, look, it's talking about whispering. It has to be kept secret. You didn't hear it from me, you know. That's all nonsense. It's not edifying. It doesn't help. It's not loving. And so require that those who speak to you speak truthfully.

to edify. Require that those who speak to you speak with their name attached. Those from Chloe's household. Again, they say, you didn't hear it from me. Well, then don't tell me if I didn't hear it from you so that I really didn't hear it from you because I don't need to know things that you're not willing to tell me with your name attached. If you're not willing to work with integrity to be open and honest about the situation and to deal with whatever is going on and why you're talking about this, then don't tell me.

then I don't need to hear it. It's not good for me. It's not good for you. It's not good for anybody. Now, the whole point of having your name attached is for that accountability. So you come and you say, well, I have this situation and this person over here. And so I say, okay, well, can I go talk to them and tell them that you told me these things? Because you see, if you're telling me, well, that means I'm going to try to bring reconciliation. I'm not, my job isn't to take sides. My job is to remove the sides, right?

to bring unity once again. Many times, issues are complicated. They're complex, right? There's lots of details. In fact, the person that tells us the story can be very convincing. And then later on, we find out there's so much more to the story. Proverbs 18, 17, the first one to plead his cause seems right until his neighbor comes and examines him. So this is why the name is important. Your name is attached so that there can be a real cross-examination between

So that there can be a real examination of the facts, of the reality. If there's a real situation, well, let's deal with it, but let's deal with it the way that is right and appropriate. And so require those who speak to you, speak with their name attached. Don't put up with anonymous information. Chuck Swindoll says, anytime you want to find the truth, you have to first find the source. The proof of accuracy, is it true? Can the original source be quoted? If you want to find the truth, you have to find the source.

And so if someone's not willing to attach their name, you have no hope of finding the truth. It's not going to be possible. It's going to be impossible because they're not willing to attach their name. Finally, don't speak about matters that are not your business. People might want to tell you all kinds of things, but you don't have to listen to everything everybody wants to tell you. Require that they don't speak about things that are not your business. There's a lot of things that we don't need to talk about.

And a lot of strife and a lot of difficulty, a lot of problems between people and the body of Christ happens because we are too involved in everybody else's business. Proverbs chapter 26 verse 20 says, Where there is no wood, the fire goes out. And where there is no tailbearer, strife ceases. Someone comes and tells you what happened with them and them and them and them and them and them and them and them and then the fire just continues to build. But if there's no wood, the fire goes out.

If we stop talking, if we stop listening, the fire will go out. But a lot of times we have problems because we entertain things that are not our business, that we don't need to be listening to, that we don't need to be hearing about. And here's something from John Corson to consider. If someone gossips to you about someone else, know that it won't be long before he'll be gossiping about you, sorry, gossiping to someone else about you. That's the reality.

So someone comes and gives you the dirt, gives you all kinds of information about this other person. Know that as soon as they have an opportunity, they'll be doing the same thing, talking about you to somebody else. That's the manner of gossips. That's the way that it is. So require that those who speak to you don't speak about matters that are not your business. So these things apply for watching your tongue.

learning and evaluating this conversation. Is it good? Is it appropriate for me to be involved in this discussion? And again, sometimes there's very complex issues and it involves people and there's all kinds of, you know, different things to factor in. But these things will help you to determine, is this right? You know, is this, well, am I being consistent in the way that I speak? And would I share these same things with that person?

Have I done what the scripture says and first attempted to speak to the offender privately if it's a sin against me or if it's a situation that needs to be addressed? Are the words edifying? Is it helpful? Does it build up? Is there a purpose and a usefulness to the conversation that I'm having? And am I willing to attach my name to this? Say, yeah, I was part of that conversation and I said this and here's what they said and here's how I replied. And yeah, I want that on record. I'm okay having my name attached.

And then finally, is this nothing or something that isn't really in my business? Is this something I should just not even deal with, not even talk about, not even listen to? Because I have no place in this conversation. It's not what God would have for me. And then require the same thing for those who are talking to you, that they speak consistently,

that they first go directly address their offenders privately, that the words that they say are edifying, that their name is attached and they're willing to be accountable and be a person of integrity, and that they're not talking to you about things that are not their business nor your business. Watch your tongue. Let's pray.

Lord, I pray that you would set a guard over the door of our lips, that you would help us to be very careful. Lord, knowing there's a stricter judgment, a stricter accountability, I pray that you would help us to take these things to heart, to learn these principles and these lessons, Lord, that we would do well with our words, that we would be benefiting people and gracious to people and building people up, and Lord, that they would be better as a result of the words that we say and not worse.

And Lord, also, I pray that you would help us to protect our ears. Lord, that the same thing is true, Lord, that we would be better, that people would be better as a result of the things that we listen to and the conversations that we entertain. Lord, I pray that you would help us to hold ourselves accountable to your word and that you would help us, Lord, to recognize when we're out of line with what you instruct. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

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