NUMBERS 30 AUTHORITY IN THE FAMILY2015 Teaching by Jerry B Simmons

Teaching Transcript: Numbers 30 Authority In The Family

You are listening to FerventWord, an online Bible study ministry with teachings and tools to help you grow deeper in your relationship with God. The following message was taught by Jerry Simmons in 2015.

Here in Numbers chapter 30, we're looking at an interesting chapter and perhaps you were reflecting on that as we were reading through it together. Kind of an interesting and unique passage to go through perhaps on a Sunday morning. It's all about vows, promises. You could look at that as agreements or commitments and all the different cases in which these are binding or non-binding.

Well, as we look at this chapter regarding vows this morning, I would like to highlight for you and show that God uses this instruction about vows, not just to talk about vows and the importance of keeping our word and how he feels about that, but he also uses this chapter to teach about the structure that he has established for the home.

And the instruction about vows illustrates God's design and the authority that is established within the family. And so the title of the message this morning is Authority in the Home. Authority in the Home. And we'll look at three points as we work our way through this chapter. The first point is found in verses 1 and 2.

And here the point is, your promises have authority over you. Your promises, your words, your agreements have authority over you. Looking back again at verse 1, we see that Moses begins now to speak to the leaders of the tribes of Israel. And he says, this is what God has commanded.

Now, as we talk about authority this morning, we get to see it here in the first verse. There is this authority that has been established within the nation of Israel, where God reveals his word to Moses. Moses passes that word on to the leaders of the tribes of Israel, and then the leaders of the tribes pass that on to the congregation. This is

common and normal for God. He establishes these kinds of authority structures, and we'll see that in the family as well today. But here's the command that God gives in verse 2. It says, "...if a man makes a vow to the Lord or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth."

And so we're talking about vows. We're talking about promises and how God feels, how God thinks, and how God looks at the things that we say. Now, this is, of course, is in the Old Testament. It's part of the law, the Old Testament scriptures, the Old Testament law. And we need to understand that as God is giving this instruction to his people, he's not just establishing a religion. He's establishing a society.

And so he is giving this instruction for how they are to relate as a nation to one another. And these things are specifically targeted at the nation of Israel and the government that God was establishing. And

And so as we look at these things today, this is not meant to be, you know, some type of legal requirement for us. It's not meant to be that we're to try to, you know, fight against our own legal system here in the U.S. and try to, you know, supplant it with the instruction here. But instead, we look at the law and we understand this is a good indication for us of how God desires for us to live.

So it's not talking about some legal battle that we should have, but it's talking about God's heart for us and where our hearts need to be regarding the different things that are addressed throughout the law. And so for this morning, as we talk about vows, we get to understand God's heart towards you regarding your promises, your commitments, your agreements, and the things that you vow or the oaths that you take.

And so he begins dealing with this subject in verse 2, talking about a man who makes a vow. Now, as we go through this passage, I think you'll see that it's easy for some, and some get offended by this passage. Because here he talks about a man making a vow, and that's specific as a man making a vow. And then he goes on to talk about women making vows.

And there's all these conditions, there's all these clauses, there's all these things, you know, and people who can overrule. And so some are offended by this passage as if it's a kind of a slight against women, that it's something that looks down upon. But I want to encourage you and just say right off the bat, and I'll remind you throughout the message, there is nothing like that actually in this passage. God is not saying here that women are inferior, right?

He is not saying that women are less intelligent. He is not saying that women are less important. He is not saying that women are less valuable. I think the proof of that is found in verse 9, where he says, Also, any vow of a widow or a divorced woman by which she has bound herself shall stand against her.

So there in verse 9, as we jump down, you know, a few verses, you see that God holds the woman accountable in the same way that he holds the man accountable. He holds her capable in the same way that he holds the man capable. It's the same standard that's given. But in other conditions, this is talking about a woman outside of a marriage relationship and outside of the home.

In other conditions, inside the home or inside a marriage relationship, God gives some other instruction, but it's not about value or intelligence or meaning or importance. It's all about order. And as we talk about authority within the home, I always like to use the example of a line of people. And so just to demonstrate this quickly, Ronnie, could you stand up for a second? And let me grab Matthew and Lewis. Yeah, come on up.

And let's see. Yeah, Dave Byrne, why don't you come up too? So you guys can just line up here and just line up tallest to shortest for us, please. They're all the same height. What happened? Except for Ronnie. All right. So here we have him lined up somewhat tallest to shortest. We kind of got a little peak here. So we can clearly see, though, it looks like actually Dave's the tallest. And that must mean Dave's the most important, right? He's the tallest? Yeah.

And Ronnie, he's not that important because he's the shortest, right? No, it doesn't mean that, right? When we line up tallest to shortest, that's just an order. Now, if you guys could instead please line up alphabetically by your last name. All right, so now we get the real picture, right? Matthew's the most important. And sorry, Louis, you're not that important, man. Wrong side of the alphabet. Is that the case? Yes.

No, it's just an order, right? All right, you guys can have a seat. Thank you very much. Let me pick on you. When we line them up, tallest to shortest...

A to Z, however you want to do it. It's an order based on instruction that is given. It's not a statement of value. And as we talk about authority and the structure that God has established for the home, you need to understand that it's an order that God has established, but it has nothing to do with anything else except for the order that God has set. It's not a statement of importance or value or anything like that. And we'll see that more as we go on into the next couple points.

But so here he first begins talking about a man making a vow. And I'm going to use that to talk about any of us, men or women, making a vow. Because again, we see that same standard there in verse 9 to ladies as well. And so here's what he says in verse 2. If a man makes a vow to the Lord or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word.

And so here's God's heart regarding our vows, regarding our promises. And he breaks it up into two different kinds. He says vows to the Lord or oaths, which he then goes on to say is any agreement. So any agreement that we make between one another or some vow or promise that we make to God. Now, sometimes we do make vows to the Lord.

We get in situations that are difficult and we say things like, God, if you get me out of this, then I will. And then, you know, whatever we think that he wants to hear, we're going to promise to him so that he will get us out of that situation and help us where we're at. Or sometimes it's just something that's put upon our heart or stirred up within us that we want to make this promise to God and start something new or do some new thing in our lives.

Now, sometimes we make vows to God to try to help us be more pleasing to him. And I would caution you about this and we need to be careful. Sometimes we think that making weighty vows, you know, that have real big consequences that will help us to be more pleasing to God or to stay away from sin. And

And we've been looking at on Wednesday nights in the book of Romans, Romans chapter seven, talking about legalism and it doesn't work. If you try to put like lofty laws or heavy weights on you or big vows, you know, in order to try to keep your relationship right with God, that's not going to be effective. And so we do need to be careful with our vows to the Lord.

So he talks about vows to the Lord or again, oaths or any agreements. And so you could kind of substitute in that word commitments, contracts, promises, agreements. Again, whether they're verbal or written, this is what God is addressing. Our commitments to one another, our commitments to people around us, as well as our vows and promises to the Lord.

And what God says regarding those things there in verse two, he says, he shall not break his word. And so here's God's desire. Here's God's design for you as one who makes commitments, who makes agreements, who makes promises to the Lord and to people around you. God wants you to be a person of your word.

He wants you to be faithful to do the things that you commit to do. He wants you to be faithful to commit to pay the things that you commit to pay. He wants you to be faithful with the things that you say. Notice the end of verse two. It says, he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.

I think that's a little bit scary. All that proceeds out of his mouth, he says, you shall do that. You shall be faithful to do that. There we get some insight from James in the New Testament, right? He says, be quick to listen and slow to speak. Why? Well, one of the reasons why is because you will be held accountable by the Lord for all that proceeds out of your mouth.

And the things that you agree to, the things that you commit to, God now remembers those things. And he says, you need to be faithful to those agreements that you made. There's an old saying. It goes something like this. You are the master of the words that you think. You are the servant of the words that you say. And you are the slave of the words that you write.

When you're just thinking the words, you're the master. You have full control. But once they come out, now you're a servant. Once you enter into that agreement, now you're a servant and you need to be faithful to that. And you're subject to those things that you said. And if you write it down, it's even stronger. Now you're a slave to those words that you put forth.

God wants you to be a person of your word. Whether you're a man or a woman, whether you're single or married, this is his desire for you. And I would encourage you and ask you to consider and invite God to show you if there's things that you are committed to or have committed to but have not been faithful in.

Your promises have authority over you. That is, when you speak them, when you make those agreements, when you sign on the dotted line, you are now to be subject to those promises. And you are now to do the best that you are possibly able to do to fulfill those agreements that you made, even if it's at great cost.

Even if it's a great sacrifice, even if it's extremely difficult or painful, God desires for you and he requires that you be faithful to your word. As far as God is concerned, when you commit to do something, you are bound to it. And it is sinful, it is a violation of God's word to not keep your word, to not be faithful to what you've committed to.

And so as we talk about vows, that's the beginning. That's the first entrance into it is this is the requirement. You must be faithful. And so be cautious what you agree to and the things that you agree to, you need to make sure that you do them even at great cost.

Well, as we go on now in the rest of the chapter, though, I want to shift gears a little bit and talk about the vows, but how the vows illustrate the authority and the structure within the family that God has established. And so the second point is found in verses three through five. And point number two is that dad has authority over his children.

And you need to understand, you need to know, this clearly shows dad has authority over his children. Check out verse 3.

It says,

So God begins talking about the man. If you make a vow, you must be faithful to complete it. You be a man of your word. But now he shifts gears and he starts talking about a woman making a vow. But as he talks about a woman making a vow, he's going to go through several different kind of cases or situations in which a woman might make a vow. And so as we talk about a woman making a vow, again, I'll remind you, God has established order in the home.

It's not a statement of value or importance. It is just the order that God has established. Whether I line you up tallest to shortest, it's just an order. If I line you up alphabetically, it's just an order. If I line you up oldest to youngest, it's just an order. It's not a statement of value. In the same way, this is the order that God has established. What is he talking about here? Well,

There's some important details to notice there in verse 3 as he talks about the woman making a vow. He says, first of all, it's a woman. He says she's in her father's house. And then thirdly, that she's in her youth. And so what we're talking about here is actually a woman who is an adult, but she's living at home with her parents.

She's an adult daughter, but living at home. And there's a difference between children and adults. I don't think it's real difficult for us to understand that. There is a little bit of difficulty nailing down exactly when the change happens. When does a child become an adult?

And it depends on who you ask. If you look to Jewish law and Jewish practice, boys become men at 13 years old and they have the bar mitzvah. That's when they become of legal age. And now they're accountable. Now the vows that they make, they're accountable to fulfill them. They're able to enter into all the rituals and practice the religion and all the things that go along with that.

For girls, under the Jewish customs, it kind of depends a little bit on exactly which branch of Judaism they're participating in, whether it's Orthodox or Reformed or whatever, but it's either 12 or 13 years old, depending on which group you're with. So right about the same, and that's a bat mitzvah. And so she becomes a transition from child to adult, and then she's accountable in a way that she was not previously.

And so prior to that transition, the child's parents hold the responsibility for their actions. So your kid breaks the car window, well, you have to pay the replacement costs. Your kid says something dumb, well, you have to go make it right. You're responsible for the kid's actions and the words that they say. But then after this, now the kids are held responsible. The kids now become adults and are held accountable.

Now that's looking at Jewish customs and Jewish law. You could look at some other sources. A lot of Bible scholars would look at the scriptures and say, you know, the age 20 seems more like the age where a child becomes an adult because of the census that took place. And that's, you know, what God said, everybody 20 years and up. And so that's, you know, who is counted with the children of Israel. And so they make that case. If you look at our own nation, you know,

Typically, 18 is the age where our society says, now you were a child and now you're an adult because you've turned 18. Unless you live in Alabama, then you've got to wait an extra year. And when you turn 19, then you can be an adult. But otherwise, you're a minor. Now, as a minor...

You don't have any legal options. You don't have rights. Well, you have some rights, but you don't have like, you can't enter into legal agreements. You can't do a lot of things because you're a minor. You're under the authority and the responsibility of your parents. And so the promises and vows of children are not legally binding, right?

And so what we're talking about here in verse 2 is there's a daughter who is past this age. Again, whatever age you want to exactly consider is up to you. But she's past this age. She is an adult, but she's still living at home. And here what God is saying is as she's there at home, her dad has authority over her. Now, I hope it doesn't need to be said. Fathers have authority over their children who are minors, right?

That's established in the Ten Commandments. There's not much room for discussion there. If you're a child, you're a minor, you must obey your parents. That's the instruction that God gives. But what's interesting about this is even as an adult, as an adult living in your parents' home, hear God saying, your dad still has authority in your life. Your dad still has authority over you.

And so as it comes to vows, if a woman makes a vow and she's an adult, but she's in her father's house, well then verse 4, it says, Verse 5,

then none of her vows nor her agreements by which she has bound herself shall stand. And the Lord will release her because her father overruled her. So the dad still has authority and God says the father gets to ratify or nullify her vows. Now, I want to encourage you and ask you dads to pay attention to the way that God addresses this here though. Because as he talks about these vows that are made and

the dad's opportunity to overrule those vows, he also talks about the issue of silence. And he says, if the dad remains silent, well, that is one method for a dad to give his consent and say, I approve of that vow. So as he hears of it, he doesn't say anything about it.

that's consent. So he doesn't have to explicitly say, I agree with that commitment. I agree with that deal. I like that promise. That's definitely a good one. Go with it. He doesn't have to specifically say that. If he just stays silent, that is sufficient for consent.

But if he doesn't like the deal, if he says, you know, this isn't a good deal for my daughter. This isn't a good thing for her. This is going to hurt her. This is going to harm her. Then he has the authority to override the promise, to override the vow or the commitment that was made. Now there's a time limit for that. In verse five, it tells us if her father overrules her on the day that he hears. So he has to overrule it that day.

So she comes home and says, dad, I just made this great deal. A week later, he can't come back and say, you know, that's not a good deal. I don't agree with that.

He has to address it that day. And if he stays silent, he's agreeing with it and that vow stands. If he agrees with it and says so, that vow stands. Or if he says, no, that's not a good idea, then he has the authority given to him by God to overrule and to say, nope, that's not going to happen. That's not a good idea.

Notice also in verse 5, at the end, it says, the Lord will release her because her father overruled her. And here's something we need to understand about our commitments to the people around us. If I make a commitment to you, I make an agreement, we're going to go this place at this day, I'm going to buy you lunch, you know, sign on the dotted line, it's a deal. It's not just you and I in this agreement now.

But because of how God has expressed himself about vows and promises and our commitments to one another, God says, I'm now involved in that. And I care about how faithful you are to do what you said you were going to do. Promises are not just between the two people involved. And breaking an agreement is not just an issue for the law. It's an issue that God is concerned with. It's a sin issue. It's a moral issue. And God says, I care about that.

And if you break that agreement, well, I'm going to hold you accountable for that. But notice here in this case, when the daughter is overruled by the father, the Lord says, I release her. Even though she made the commitment, even though she agreed, and I feel strongly about that, God says, I'm going to release her from that because I've given dad the authority to overrule. I've given dad authority in the home.

And so we can see this structure very clearly here. Dad has authority over his children. Now this is talking about an adult daughter living at home. Many might wonder, well, what about the sons? Because sometimes the sons stick around too. And I think it's interesting that God doesn't actually address adult sons living at home. And here's what I take from that. Here's my interpretation of that. Adult sons, go back to verse 2.

You're to be a man of your word and you're to be faithful to your word. And even if you make dumb commitments, you're going to be accountable for them. And even if you make costly mistakes, you're going to pay the price and it's going to cost you. And son, this is important for you because, well, you need to learn now those lessons and the difficulty and the cost and the sacrifice involved in keeping your word so that in the future, when you have a daughter, you're able to protect her from

from those kinds of mistakes. You're able to override her vows. And so, son, right away, you're going to have to learn some hard lessons, making some commitments, making some vows. You're going to be accountable for them. You're an adult now. It's on you. You got to pay the price.

But there's a special protection that God gives for the daughter. And God says, Dad, you still have authority. She's at home. And so you are able to give direction. You are able to override. And so, again, we see this instruction about vows gives us also this picture of what God has established with authority in the home.

Now, again, I would say to every man and woman, your promises have authority over you. And God wants you to be a person of your word. Specifically, dads, I want to encourage you, dads, dad, you have authority over your children. They don't have to give you authority. They don't have to give you the right. God gives you that authority. You have authority in the home over your children. Now, here's what you need to know about that authority.

With that authority comes accountability. The two are always linked. When God gives authority, he holds us accountable for

for how that authority is used or not used, or misused, I guess, as well. David Guzik puts it this way. He says, when God declares someone to be in a position of authority and others are expected to submit to that authority, the head, that is the person in authority, also is accountable before God for the result. And so, Dad, you have authority, and you will stand before God to give account of

for how well you did in exercising that authority for the benefit of your children. And so you should use caution in understanding what your authority is and recognizing the importance of it. But you will stand before God one day. And dad, I want to encourage you. You need to protect your children. God has given you authority. And when things are not a good idea, you need to step up. You need to...

Use the authority that God has given to you. And you also need to understand as you look at this passage, silence is sufficient for you to give your consent. And sometimes dads don't like to speak up because, you know, well, who wants to rock the boat and have that fight, right? But if you need to, if there's a problem, if there's a situation and you remain silent, God says, well, you agreed with that situation. You agreed with what was going on.

By staying silent. You gave your consent because you did not speak up. But I want to encourage you dads, you have authority given to you by God. Protect your children. Speak up when you need to be speaking up. Cancel deals when they need to be canceled. Now, you know, we're living in a little bit of a different society. So we're not the nation of Israel anymore.

You can't take this verse, go down to AT&T and say, you know, my daughter signed a three-year contract, but I'm her dad and I say no go. That's not going to work with our legal system.

But ahead of time, and in many other matters, you are called by God to use your authority for the protection, the benefit, so that your kids will be blessed, will know the Lord, and walk with the Lord. And so protect your children. Help them to walk with God.

And I would also encourage you dads, as we saw earlier, you're subject to your promises as a man. Listen, you keep your word, especially to your children. God wants you to keep your word and the promises and the commitments that you make to your kids. Keep your word, especially to them. Model that to them because it is something important that God desires. Now, this isn't a message just for dads, right?

Because, well, there's another party involved in the parenting, right? There's the mom. And so mom, here's what you need to do. You need to, first of all, understand and recognize that this is the authority in the home that God has established. That God has given dad the final say. He's given dad that final authority. And your role as mom is to uphold and support the father. Your role as mom is to uphold and support his decisions, right?

And the things that he requires or asks. Mom, you need to be very careful to not undermine the authority of dad. Make sure that you're with him. Now you have authority in the home as well. And that's a God-given right. Children obey your parents, includes father and mother. But God has specifically called the dad to be the final authority, the final say.

Sometimes moms help kids hide stuff from their dads, right? Don't let your dad find out. Listen, you need to be careful what you're demonstrating, what you're showing, undermining the authority that God has given. Sometimes, well, many times, moms and dads struggle and wrestle over different issues. They have different perspectives. How should we discipline the kids? That's a hot topic, right? What does God say about that? Well,

You could look at spare the rod, spoil the child. I'm not going to talk about that. I'm talking about mom and dad. You got to come together and ultimately dad gets the final say. Where are we going to live? Where are we going to go to school? What decisions are we going to make? What are we going to be involved with? What are we not going to be involved with? Moms, you need to understand that God has given dad that authority. And sometimes we fight.

Maybe I shouldn't say sometimes. A lot of times we fight against authority in our lives, don't we? Whether it be in the family or in the workplace or in the government or in the church, we struggle against the authority. But moms, you need to understand this is the authority that God has established and God desires for you to honor that, to model that, to demonstrate that to your children and to the world around you.

The scriptures are very clear. For minors, obey your parents. That's, it's for sure. That's done. Dads, protect your children. Use the authority that God has given to you. Moms, support and uphold the authority that is placed there by God in the father. Now, if you're like in the text here, an adult daughter living at home,

Again, this isn't a passage for you to say, hey, dad, can you go down to AT&T for me and cancel the contract? No, but this is a passage that should tell you, you know, before I go down to AT&T and sign this contract, I'm going to ask dad. And I'm going to kind of proactively invite him to weigh in on this deal, on this commitment that I'm making.

Because I'm subject to his authority. God's given him that right. And so you can, on your own, submit to his authority and give him a chance to share with you and weigh in. Hebrews chapter 13 verse 17 says, Obey those who rule over you and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.

And so he says, obey those. God's placed authority over you. Obey them. He says, they watch out for your souls as those who must give accounts. In other words, they're going to stand before God. And you might be listening to this or thinking, you know, well, that might make sense for people who have a good dad, but I don't have a good dad. My dad makes dumb decisions. So I'm not going to submit to his authority. I'm not going to listen to what he says. He's going to give an account. You don't have to worry about that.

Now, one thing as we talk about authority that always has to be said is you always obey God first. And so if dad says something or requires something that God says otherwise, you obey God first. But other than that, God says, he's your authority. You need to be subject to him, be submitted to him. And you need to give him the opportunity to weigh in on the decisions that you make. Well, going on now in verses six through 16, we find the third point.

Point number three is the husband has authority over his wife. I feel like it's getting warm in here. I get a little uncomfortable up here. I was thinking I should have saved this message for the week that the ladies were on the retreat. And then we could have addressed it and not have so many scowls looking back at me. The husband has authority over his wife. Now again, let me say God has established this order in the home. It's not a slight against women.

It's not a statement about, you know, value or importance or intelligence. It's an order that God has established. And so if we line you up in any whatever order, it's not a statement of value. It's not a statement of importance. It's just an order. And here's the order that God has established. Check out verse 6.

Now the language here is very familiar to us since we've already gone through this with the daughters. It's essentially the same type of thing. But now he's talking about husband and wife.

He's talking about the order that's established not just with father and daughter, but also with husband and wife. Paul the Apostle reiterates this for us in 1 Corinthians 11, verse 3. He says, And so Paul says, here's the authority structure. Here's the layout.

The head of man is Christ. That is, men are accountable to Jesus and they will stand before him and give an account and they will be responsible for their actions and their words. But he says the head of woman is man. That is, talking about husbands and wives, the authority structure that he's established is that the wife is to be submitted to the husband and the husband is to lead and have authority over the wife.

But then he says, the head of Christ is God. And here again, you can see it's not a statement of value. It's not a slight. It's the order. Jesus himself said throughout his ministry that he came to do the will of the father and he was subject to the will of the father. And so as the son is subject to the will of the father, well, this is the same picture, the same pattern that is to be established in the home.

that the husband has authority over the wife. And he illustrates this with this instruction about the vows here in verse 6 and 7. He's talking about newlyweds here in this section. Notice in verse 6, if indeed she takes a husband while bound by her vows. And so the picture here is that she made a vow, she hasn't fulfilled it yet, it's ongoing, and then she gets married.

Now the husband wasn't around for the vow. It could have happened years before they met even. But she made this commitment. She made this agreement. She meets this guy. They fall in love. They get married. So now they're married and she's engaged in this vow. And suddenly he looks at the bank account. He says, hey, what's this $300 a month, you know, that's coming out of our account? She says, well, you know, I made this agreement. I made this commitment, you know, back at this time. And so that is ongoing for this time until this is fulfilled.

Well, God says here, when he finds out about this deal that was made before they were married, the husband has authority to cancel that agreement. He has authority to address it at that time. And so when he hears it, again in verse 7, it says, So if he hears about the deal, she explains what happened. She explains the agreement.

and he approves it, or he is silent, well, then that agreement stands. But then in verse 8, he says, if her husband overrules her on the day that he hears it, then he shall make void her vow which she took, and what she uttered with her lips, by which she bound herself, and the Lord will release her.

And so again, God establishes this authority. He says, the Lord will release her. She made a vow. God holds her accountable to that. But now because she has been married after that vow was made, now there's this opportunity. And this husband, his authority supersedes the authority of that initial vow.

He has a greater authority and so he can agree with it or he can void that vow, that commitment that was made. Now again, I'm not suggesting this is sufficient to go to AT&T and cancel that contract. That's not about the legal system. It's about the society that God was establishing.

I would say, you know, let's say a situation happened where, you know, a wife signed up to serve in children's ministry and then went home and all excited, told the husband and the husband said, no way, that's not happening. We would honor that. That's biblical. But we can't expect, you know, the nation to honor that. It's not part of the society that we have. However, the illustration is, the point is not about the vow specifically, but

but that the husband has authority over his wife. And that authority even supersedes the vows that she makes and the promises that she makes. As far as God is concerned, the husband's authority supersedes all previous agreements and promises and vows. We already know God has this expectation. Whatever proceeds out of your mouth, you must be faithful to that. But as important as that is to God, he says it's more important that

As they enter into this new relationship, husband, you get this authority that's given to you by God. Now, a couple of you are engaged to be married. I'm not going to call out any names, but everybody else knows. So listen, if you don't like that, then don't get married. This is the authority structure that God has established. And as you enter into that marriage, ladies, you're entering in, well, to a relationship where God has given him authority to

to even say, you know, you used to do things that way, but not anymore. You used to live that way. You used to, you know, pay bills that way. You used to behave that way. You used to go that, not anymore. You used to have this agreement. You used to have, not anymore. That is a God-given authority to the husband. And if you don't like that, don't get married. That's the authority that God has established.

Well, it's not just for newlyweds. We go on now in verse 9, 10, 11, and 12, and he kind of deals with vows for a single woman. In verse 9, he says, also any vow of a widow or a divorced woman by which she has bound herself shall stand against her.

And I mentioned this earlier as we looked at verse two. God wants you to be a person of your word, whether you're a man or a woman, whether you're single or married. That's the first thing. Be a person of your word, fulfill your word, even if it's at great cost, even if it's at great expense, even if there's sacrifice, your promises have authority over you. When you make those agreements, you're now subject to them and God desires that you fulfill them. But here what God's saying is,

If you're in a marriage relationship as a woman and you've made some commitments and agreements and then your husband dies or divorces you, those commitments that you made while you're married, they still stand even after your husband is gone, even after that relationship has ended.

It's different than the marriage beginning. In the marriage beginning, God's given the husband the authority, the right to say, hey, that agreement is canceled. But when that relationship ends, that doesn't mean that all your agreements and commitments are null and void. That doesn't mean that those go away. In verse 10, he says, if she vowed in her husband's house or bound herself in

So she's married. She makes the vow. Her husband hears it. It's solidified. It's confirmed. Then even if he's gone, even if there's a divorce, even if something happens, then she is to continue to be faithful to the commitment that she made.

Then verse 12, but if her husband truly made them void on the day he heard them, then whatever proceeded from her lips concerning her vows or concerning the agreement binding her, it shall not stand. Her husband has made them void and the Lord will release her. So here, if he hears it, he makes it void and then he dies or then there's a divorce that happens, that relationship has ended. Well, then no one can come back and say, okay, now you're bound to this agreement again. No, if he voided it, he voided it.

Now, again, it's not just about the vow, but you see the picture clearly. God has given the husband authority over the wife. And what he says is established, whether even, I would say, even if the relationship ends after that. So the agreements stand if confirmed, and they remain void if he voids them. Well, then he goes on to talk about a woman who is in a marriage relationship ongoing. Verse 13 says,

Every vow and binding oath to afflict her soul, her husband may confirm it or her husband may make it void. Now again, this is the order that God has established in the home. And so if she makes a vow, if she makes a promise, notice it says to afflict her soul,

And there were some vows that you would afflict your soul before the Lord as far as, you know, trying to make peace with the Lord and such. But also, I think it's a good picture that sometimes fulfilling a vow is going to be quite afflicting and there's going to be affliction along with it. It's going to be difficult. But God's saying those vows stand unless her husband voids it. So if he confirms it, it stands. If he voids it, then it's void. And so there is this authority that God has established. Now,

I want to just kind of take a little bit of a side note here because as we talk about authority and submission within the home between husband and wife, there's oftentimes extremes that can be taken. And that is one side says, no way is he going to have any kind of authority over me. Uh-uh, no way, no how. You know, that's so ancient, that's so old, but it's actually what the Bible teaches. And so you could try to throw off that authority, but you're fighting against God.

But there are those who go against that and they go to that extreme. But then there's others who, instead of that extreme, they go to the other extreme. And that is that they kind of take the attitude, okay, I'm to be submitted to my husband. That means I can never say anything contrary. That means I can't disagree. I can't initiate conversation or discussion or make decisions. I can't do anything except for this.

whatever he says. And there are some who take it to that extreme as well. And neither of those are the proper balance that we see in the scriptures. Notice in here, the wife is making decisions. She's making agreements. She's out making deals. I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet, but I know Dave Burt shared about Proverbs 31 last week, right? And you know, there's a woman who's doing business. She's making deals. She's doing things. That's totally appropriate and proper within the

But the structure that God has established leaves it so that the husband gets the final say. And so she's out making deals. She's making commitments. She's making promises. She's arranging things. And God says, that's all great.

But give your husband the final word. Let him make the final decision. In verse 14, now if her husband makes no response, whatever to her from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or all her agreements that bind her. He confirms them because he made no response to her on the day that he heard them. But if he does make them void after he has heard them, then he shall bear her guilt. So again, husbands, notice your silence is sufficient to give your consent.

And so if things are happening that are not good and you stay silent, God says, you're giving your consent. You're approving of what is going on because you're staying silent. And there are times, husbands, where you need to speak up and you need to say, no, that is not right. That is not what we're going to do. That is not a good deal. That is not what needs to be done. But many times we stay silent because

And that is our consent. But notice at the end of verse 15, God talks about guilt. And here's the deal, guys. Again, with the authority comes accountability. And you will stand before God. And if there's things that were going on that were not good and you knew it, but you didn't want to deal with it, God will hold you accountable for that. And if there's things that you do that are wrong...

It will not be her guilt, but it will be your guilt. So the idea here is he didn't break the vow on the day that he heard it like he's supposed to, but he caused her to break the vow later on. She'd be guilty before the Lord of breaking the vow. God says, yeah, normally she would be guilty, but it's the husband's fault. And because he has the authority and he didn't act and say and speak up when he was supposed to, now I'm holding him accountable. And this is what you need to understand, guys. You're accountable and God hold you accountable.

And if you don't speak up, God holds you accountable for that. And if you speak up in the wrong way, God holds you accountable for that. And so yes, there is this authority, but it comes with great accountability as well. Now he concludes with verse 16. He says,

This is the things that God has commanded to establish, not just the importance of vows and keeping our word, but to establish the authority and the structure within the family. Husband, you have authority over your wife. It's a God-given authority. It comes with accountability and you will stand before God. And so husband, you need to do your best to protect your wife, to do what's best for her.

in the eternal picture, not just in the moment, but to do what's best for her. And if you see things that are out of line, well, you need to be seeking God about how to address those things. If you see things that are wrong, you need to seek the Lord about how to address those things and not let them just go on continued unaddressed because your silence is sufficient to give your consent and God will hold you accountable for that. And you're like, well, I don't want to be held accountable for that. Well, tough luck. You're married. You're married.

Now, you engage couples. Guys, you don't want this kind of accountability. You don't want to be held accountable for her actions. I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to be held accountable for her actions either. But if you don't want that, then don't get married. If you get married, you're going to be accountable. You'll stand before God and he's going to say, hey, you allowed that. You allowed that. You allowed that. You didn't refuse that. You let that go on. Why didn't you address these things? Why didn't you do that?

You will be accountable for that. Protect your wife. Now again, as we're talking about vows, I would also say, husbands, keep your word, especially to your wife. As important as keeping the word is, you know, for all the other relationships, your wife as well. Put her a notch above. You need to be faithful to your word, faithful in what you say. Now again, this isn't just for husbands.

Wives, I would encourage you, as you recognize the authority that is established in the home by God, again, this isn't a text that you can use to go try to get out of a contract at AT&T, but I would encourage you, proactively, like we did with the daughters, involve your husband in your decisions and give him the opportunity to weigh in.

submit to his authority and bring to him those things. And before you commit to things, before you agree to things, before you, you know, engage in that kinds of things, give him the opportunity to share his thoughts, to give his instruction, to give his counsel. Even though it won't work in our legal system after the fact, you can go ahead of time and have the discussion with him. Again, Hebrews 13, 17, obey those who rule over you.

And I understand that, boy, those words just really get under your skin, huh? Obey, rule, submissive. I mean, look, those are rough words, prickly words, irritating words, right? But it's what the word says. It's what God has designed. It's not a statement of value or importance. It's an order. And so wives, that's your role, to be submitted. Again, that doesn't mean silent. That doesn't mean not involved. No, you're making decisions. You're making agreements. You're making deals, right?

But do it together and give your husband that final say. Submit to his authority. And husbands, remember, you watch out for her soul as one who will give account. You're going to stand before God and God's going to say, what'd you do with my daughter? How'd you treat her? How come she didn't have time to be with me? The Lord might ask you. Well, God, she agreed to this and she committed to that and she was involved in this thing over here and she just didn't have time to worship you or walk with you.

God's going to say, that's your fault. Why'd you let that happen? Why'd you let that go on like that? You're going to be given an account. You're going to stand before God. So use the authority that God has given to you and do what's best for your family. This is the structure that God has established, authority in the home. Dad has authority over his children. A husband has authority over his wife. And for all of us, your promises have authority over you.

It's a huge responsibility, but understand this. God doesn't ask us to do what he doesn't do himself. God models this for us. He is faithful to his word. He models this for us in the father and the son. You see the authority and the submission. He models this for us in his faithfulness to do everything, fulfills all of his promises, nothing left out.

Jesus said, heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will by no means pass away. I'm gonna fulfill, I'm gonna do every detail of everything that I've said. He models this for us. And so we can trust him in these things of authority. We can trust him. He demonstrates it for us. We can also trust him in the rest of his word and the things that he's declared. In the offer of salvation, the offer of forgiveness of sins, and the offer of eternal life with him. We can trust him. He's faithful to his word.

And so we can rest in God. And I want to encourage all of us. The main thing in all of this is that you walk with God, that you connect with God, that you submit to his authority. If you submit to God's authority, all these things will come in line and you'll get to experience the best, the life that God has designed for you.

the best fulfillment, the greatest joy, the ultimate eternity, if you'll submit to God. And you're able to, and you should, because he is faithful to his word. And he will complete and finish the work he began in you. Let's pray.

Lord, we thank you for your word, the great confidence that we can have in it. Even, Lord, when your word goes against what our society says or maybe even what our parents taught us or what other people around us think, Lord, we can rest assured and trust in your word and know it is the truth and it is what's best for us. And so, God, I pray that you would help us to trust you, to submit to your authority, to walk with you,

And Lord, as we do, that you would work out all these other relationships. Lord, that you would help us to be faithful to our words and our commitments. Lord, that you would teach us to be people who are faithful to do what we commit to do. And Lord, if there's areas in our lives where we are being unfaithful right now with commitments that we've made, I pray, Lord, that you would reveal those things, that you would help us to repent and to get those things right and to bring those things back in line with your will.

God, I pray for each of the homes represented here. I pray that you would help each home, Lord, to operate in accordance with what you've declared here, Lord, in the authority that is established by you. And I pray, Lord, that as each home does, Lord, that you would bless mom and dad, husband and wife, the children, Lord, that you would do an amazing work as they submit to you and walk in agreement with how you call us to live.

I pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.